When was the last time you thanked him/her?

My KoD is awesome. We all know that. He does dishes, runs me baths, puts kids to bed. He goes shopping with me and won’t let me shlepp a thing. He discusses everything with me, respects and values my input with every decision he needs to make, or that we need to make together. He does plenty more besides. Maybe because of previous marital experience I cherish it all and value being treated this way even more. Every little thing he does for me I appreciate and I always make sure to thank him. He makes me feel special. He also appreciates all I do for him and for the house and the family and thanks me too.

So my question is – how much does your spouse do at home to help? Does s/he appreciate all you do? How often do you take the time to say (and mean) a simple heartfelt “thank you”? How much is it taken for granted that you do x and s/he does y?

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  1. Judit says:

    Your KoD sounds like a keeper :-) Just like my husband. He cooks, helps me clean the house, does grocery shopping, helps me with my work — to come up with fun ideas for my curriculum –, shares his good and bad times with me, is interested in whatever ideas I might have (even when they are closer to silly than anything :-)) and most importantly he stands up for me whatever happens.

    I can’t even list everything he does but the important thing is that all he does comes from the way he loves and respects me.

  2. rgoldstand says:

    Appreciation (which is actually just another form of giving) has got to be way up there in the list of absolute essentials for a healthy relationship of any kind, especially marriage. Honestly, it’s amazing just how TRUE all these common sense rules really are. We could all use more reminders, though… :)

    Your KoD is an inspiration (and a terror :P) to men everywhere!

  3. Z! says:

    Although my hubby doesn’t help much around the house, prefering to have a cleaning lady take care of those chores we both hate, since we work together, we have learned the value of giving each other appreciation as much as possible. Even for the simplest of tasks.
    Such as; taking out the gargbage. I know I leave that task to him, but when I see he has taken it out, I always say thank you.
    Same goes if he notices that I’ve taken care of some task at the office.

    • batya from NJ says:

      Z! i’m totally with you (again ;)!

      While my husband who works REALLY hard in his own private practice as a pediatric physical therapist from roughly 8am-8pm does not have the time to help me with household chores, I do not mind b/c he does not object to providing me with the housekeeping help i so desperately crave so that we BOTH don’t have to do as much when it comes to the nitty-gritty household work.

      he knows that i think the world of him as a person & as a top-notch physical therapist & know that he appreciates & loves me for all that i contribute to the marriage & how i run the household & raise our family. i also help him with office management but he has recently hired someone else to help with the office work which has reduced my work responsibilities at the office & allows me more time to take care of what needs to be done to run the household efficiently & to take care of what our children’s various needs.

      i will add that he has supported my decision 2 years ago to stop working in my profession as i was getting burned out & not enjoying my career choice after working in the field for 10+ years part-time while raising our 3 children.

  4. First, I have to ask, and don’t laugh…what does KoD mean?

    As for me my hubby is less than helpful around the house, which drives me crazy. He is the type of guy I have to ask for months to do something that is difficult for me – that being said, he works a lot – too much. His job often has him running from 3 am to 8 pm. I justify the lack of help around the house in a very simple way: it is his job to provide for us and my job to take care of us. It doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated. For example, my 2 year old threw a remote control at my laptop 4 months ago and broke my screen. I orderecd the replacement part on line and hubby found someone to do the labor. Now I don’t have a car, we are a one car family, so hubby needs to take the time to bring the laptop in and get it fixed. I’m still waiting for the computer to be fixed. Currently, I lug around my laptop and a monitor everywhere I go. Since I work from home, on the computer, this is a huge problem for me!

    I do, however, thank him – alot. He showers the baby for me everyday (we can’t use the bathtub because it is in my stepsons bathroom which I refuse to clean). I always remember to thank him – it is so important!

  5. sheldan says:

    Hey, the KoD (a fellow member of the class of ’55) was probably reared that way by his parents (like mine :-) ) to treat ladies like ladies. He knows how lucky he is to have Hadassah in his life and treats her accordingly. My wife and I know that we waited so long for each other and we know how valuable our relationship is.

    You don’t have to be afraid of this, rgoldstand.

  6. Raizy says:

    Expressing appreciation to each other is so important!
    I honestly think that if my ex-husband and I had regularly expressed appreciation for what each one did, it might have been possible to save our marriage.

  7. Z! says:

    I think that it helps to remember that although you are married it doesn’t mean your spouse HAS TO do anything for you. They deserve at least as much and more respect than a worker that you’d pay to do these things.

  8. what a lovely gentle reminder to always be present with each other– and to love like you did “way back when.” thanks lady. this post, much like our respective hubbys, is a keeper!

  9. lady lock and load says:

    Great post Hadassah. all married folks should read this!

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