Oh Puhleeze!

Come on! Opening the door for your female shidduch date is not tznius, nor is pulling out her chair for her at a restaurant? You are not allowed to compliment your date on what they are wearing. In fact, apparently no compliments are allowed until the wedding ring is on, because it might be seen as forward behaviour! I wonder if one can compliment the date’s car, or if that isn’t allowed either as it might make him thing you are into material possessions. What ever happened to just acting yourself???

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  1. I once told a woman she had nice chumus. I was wearing a kittel at the time.

  2. Wyman Brent says:

    I once complimented a date on her car. I don’t know why she slapped me. All I said was that I liked her big headlights. Women sometimes!

  3. I once told a woman that she is consecrated unto me and gave her a shiny ring. She liked that compliment.

  4. sheldan says:


    (shaking my head)…

    This is CLEARLY what people around me call “crazy frum.” (If that offends anyone, TOUGH!)

    Would the girl want the guy to reverse the comment and say, “On second thought, that’s a shmatte (rag) you’re wearing (literally!)”?

    Such behavior is NOT normal. If someone is offended by good manners (and that includes you ultra-feminists who object to opening the car door and pulling out the chair at the restaurant ;-) ) or a compliment on one’s attire, appearance, etc. (unless the comment is truly out of bounds), then I feel sorry for the girl and the date…

  5. Z! says:

    due to the sad fact that many of these kids have never had to deal with the opposite sex in any societal way except for brother/sister relationaships, they really have no guide for what is and is not appropriate. behaviour on a date. Obviously, they need SOME criteria, but often they botch it and are innapropriate without meaning to be. This advice applies to those who are better off NOT offending their dates.

  6. I’ll open doors, but pulling a chair out for her … hmm, I was never taught that, and the thought of doing that never occurred to me. I’ll have to try that.

    As for complimenting her appearance, I’m pretty sure I’d go apoplectic. Ugh, I have enough trouble talking to women as it is; I don’t need to make it harder for myself. If you’ve ever seen the movie A Beautiful Mind, well, I’m about as competent with women as John Nash is depicted as being. Incidentally, then, instead of asking women out myself, I am going to rely on the message in this dramatization of Jeremiah 31:22: here. :P And I’m going to try out this new dating site. I would try to find a woman like this, but I think this would be the result. :P

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