Men and Flowers

The KoD asked me to write this post, I guess to show him he is not alone with the way he feels.

I am not a high maintenance woman (although I would love to be), but I do appreciate the occasional gift of flowers and chocolates. I have a friend whose husband buys her flowers for every Shabbat. While that is lovely – it isn’t a surprise anymore, and she comes to expect it. I don’t want that. I would like to get flowers on special occasions and occasionally just because.

Late last year I sent the KoD flowers on the anniversary of when we met. I wanted to do something nice for him, and being so far away my options were limited. I was also a little peeved that he hadn’t bought me flowers in the longest time unless I had specifically asked. I hate coming right out and saying – can you buy me flowers next Tuesday because of such and such. It takes the romance right out of it. So I ordered a lovely flower arrangement, that came with 2 mugs nestled together saying YOU and ME on them. Not too feminine at all.

He called me up, thanked me very much, and then asked me to never send him flowers again. “It’s MY job” he says “to send YOU flowers”. Exactly! Eureka! I got the reaction I wanted. So why can’t you blimmin’ well send me flowers then when it’s appropriate? Point was made. Or so I thought. Sigh. (Hey KoD, Feb 15th is a HUGE day for us….hint hint…..snicker)

Anyway, KoD says it is not becoming of a male to enjoy receiving flowers from his woman. He posits that most men would not enjoy or appreciate their wife giving them flowers. I say this is total hogwash. So I turn it over to you, dear reader, for your opinion. Play Nice.

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  1. Wyman Brent says:

    I would enjoy a woman giving me flowers. Does that make me a blooming idiot?

  2. batya from NJ says:

    i guess the KoD feels it’s unmasculine for a guy to get flowers. i remember when you ordered it for him last year & asked if ppl. thought it was a good gift, i remember saying that i wasn’t sure if it was a gift that i would send to a guy.

    i would assume that my husband also would not appreciate that kind of a gift were i to send it to him. speaking of which, my husband never buys flowers for me but it’s fine with me b/c when i first got married i had no interest in flowers & even though over the yrs i have developed a liking for flowers, i tend to buy flowers myself for shabbos almost every week & that works for me. i truly don’t feel any need for my husband to pick them out for me & buy them himself b/c quite frankly i might not like the ones he chooses anyhow so i may as well pick out the bunch that i like & bring it home myself…

    anyhow, sorry that i digressed but in short i guess i can understand why the KoD would prefer that you not send him flowers anymore & it’s good that he was honest with you about it b/c honest communication is so important in marriage!

  3. RubyV says:

    My husband loves getting flowers at work. He’s happy for days. He basks in the envy of the other men, and the “awww” of the female co workers. He feels that my sending him flowers shows that I am not afraid of sharing my feelings publicly. Actually, the other day he asked why I hadn’t sent anything recently, as he enjoys it, it’s a little bit of sunshine in the office. For him, it’s not an issue of masculinity at all, but a way to show affection. As you might imagine, he gets me flowers too.

  4. We’ve both gotten each other flowers and after a bit of that, we decided, you know, it’s much more fun if you get me a book. We’re both obsessed with books! Flowers die…books don’t! (Unless you drop them in the tub by mistake.)

    • HSaboMilner says:

      please tell me, Aliza, that you don’t take your kindle into the tub with you!!

      • TRS says:

        Jeff Bezos recommends putting Kindles in Ziploc bags before bringing them in the tub. I work on creating eBooks, and when we do cookbooks, we say the same thing about using a Kindle in the Kitchen. I still wouldn’t use it in the tub.

    • RubyV says:

      He got me a potted hyacinth this weekend. It’s now blooming and my office smells DIVINE!

  5. Cam says:

    Craig likes getting *anything* from me, but I do think he cringes at flowers. So I’ve compromised. I send him a bouquet of helium balloons.

  6. Lady Lock and Load says:

    I asked Lord Lock and Load about this while taking him to his charriot to the city this a.m. (the Monsey bus :) ) And do you know what he said? “BUY HIM POTATO CHIPS!” I asked him why potato chips and he said because I like potato chips. :) I have been laughing all day! And yeah, he agrees with KoD, would not like it if I got him flowers.

  7. KoD says:

    QoH, no flowers, no balloons and no potato chips. Pretzels (unsalted) are ok, however. :-)

    And AH, I like the book idea.

    • Lady Lock and Load says:

      Okay, so Lord Lock and Load was close!

    • batya from NJ says:

      the problem with books is that it’s hard to know what book someone else might like which is why a gift card to barnes & nobles might be preferable perhaps. this way KoD can select the book that he wants…what do u think KoD?!

    • sheldan says:

      I think the man himself has delivered his ruling…:-)

      Ultimately, it’s the person’s call what kind of gift we should give him/her. So, Hadassah, listen to the KoD and follow his suggestions. Your gift was well-meaning, but if he doesn’t like flowers (or more accurately, doesn’t prefer them), I’m sure there is something you can get that he’ll like.

  8. KoD says:

    Oh and QoH, I forgot to mention that your famous Chocolate Chip and Oatmeal Raisin cookies would be the best substitute.

  9. Z! says:

    I like that idea- bake him some love!

    I don’t think my R would appreciate flowers. A little stuffed animal maybe, a nice card, but not flowers.
    I would like to receive flowers every Shabbos that we are home so I could enjoy them in the house. Otherwise, I feel it is a waste for us. Sometimes he finds the time, other times he doesn’t. Sometimes I realised he’s not gonna get them and I pick something up. I almost prefer picking my own- for freshness, quality and price. He always chooses roses, and sometimes I like a bit of change as well.
    It has been a few months since I last got flowers, which means we haven’t been home much!!
    He was tempted to get me some flowers while we were away, but I am glad that he did not as the cost was exhorbitant for something that is going to die quickly.
    I do not think that getting flowers is a sign of weakness. I just think that flowers is something you either “get” or don’t.

  10. sheldan says:


    I have no problem with it. In fact, I really like Hadassah’s gift of coffee mugs with YOU and ME. It doesn’t always have to be the man making the purchase of any gift. Enjoy it.

    • Lady Lock and Load says:

      I don’t think KoD has a problem with Hadassah making the purchase of a gift, he just doesn’t want to get FLOWERS, even if it’s in a mug. I got Lord Lock and Load a mug for Father’s day filled with nosh he LOVED it. Of course that was pre weight watchers days….

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