Heinous or Harmless – dating world

You have a single girlfriend who is, as they say, in the parsha ie dating for marriage. She needs guidance. You are sympathetic to her story and want to help her all you can. However she prefers to speak with your husband, finds his advice more helpful for some reason. You have no reason to distrust her, but it makes you uncomfortable. Hubby thinks you are over reacting – it’s not like either of them are hiding their conversations from you.

Is this appropriate? Should single women be calling a married man for advice about anything? For that matter, should married women call someone else’s husband for advice about anything? Eg furniture, cars, politics etc.

What are your thoughts?

(not my story, not my husband)

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  1. G6 says:

    Regardless of whether or not it is appropriate, if the wife feels uncomfortable, the husband should respect that.

  2. IAN says:

    Well: in the religious-orthodox world it is clearly inappropriate.

    Outside the religious-orthodox world, there is nothing wrong with it.

    When you have a good female friend, how should she relate to your husband?
    - avoid all contact
    - or have a friendly relationship

    If you want your female friend to be also your husband’s friend, this type of interaction is quite natural…

  3. Without getting into the broader question of the propriety of this relationship in general, I’ll say just this:

    In this particular case, perhaps the single woman wants to know how men think, and perhaps she sees his being successfully married as a sign that he’s representative of the sorts of decent men she’d actually like to meet herself. She’d like to learn how they think, so that she learns how to have a successful relationship with them.

    A single man, she cannot tell whether or not he’s marriage-material, and therefore, she cannot tell how useful his advice is to her. But a happily married man, she has evidence that he’ll have something useful to say to her.

    I’m not trying to take sides, but only speculate on why she wants to do what she’s doing.

  4. kisarita says:

    I am ok with casual conversations w married men but not on such a personal topic.

  5. batya from NJ says:

    as a woman, i can identify with why the wife would feel uncomfortable in this situation.

  6. Z! says:

    I have had girlfriends turn to my hubby for dating advice. I haven’t felt threatented and in reality, he can give better advice from a male perspective than I ever could.
    He always shares after the fact or has these conversations with me and the girlfriend.

  7. Chanief says:

    I would be concerned if the conversations became too frequent or too personal, but I think it’s harmless for a single woman to ask a married men for his advice. However, I can also understand why the wife would be uncomfortable and it would probably ease her mind if the conversations took place in her presence.

    • batya from NJ says:

      i agree, that as a wife, i’d be more comfortable if my girlfriend had the conversation in my presence with my hubby. true, it may be an insecurity on my part, but that’s too darn bad cuz he’s my hubby & not hers ;)!

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