Heinous or Harmless: Calling the Caterer

Heinous or Harmless: Calling the Caterer

Just got an email from a friend who is making a wedding in Toronto, with guests being bused in from Monsey. A ten-hour bus ride.

The family is paying for their friends to go with them and celebrate such a wonderful occasion, and is also footing the bill for food on this extremely long bus ride. They called in a caterer to provide sandwiches and danishes for the trip. Their guests will be well taken care of door to door.

The caterer just called. Said that a couple of the travelers called her directly to make specific requests – now, we’re not talking vegetarian or gluten-free. My friend already took care of all of those issues with the food. They wanted to have a specific sandwich filling, to request that they have wholewheat instead of white or vice versa, to make sure that their chocolate danish was not packed with the cheese danish, and the caterer was quizzed at length as to what food she is providing.

So my friend is all up in arms at the chutzpah, the gall of her friends going to the caterer behind her back.

What do you think? Is this heinous and disrespectful to the baalei simcha OR is it harmless, and just shows that some of the guests are control freaks?

Weigh in below.

ETA: If you think this is heinous, should the baal simcha say something to the offenders?

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  1. Mallory says:

    Heinous!!! They’re being given a free ride and free food and they’re complaining??? You don’t like the free food being provided, bring your own.

  2. CM Fried says:

    Heinous. Not just to the baalei simcha, but to the caterers! A lot of work (by both of them) is put into settling upon a menu. When the bridal party finds out afterwards that the bill has gone up significantly because of these people’s fussines, no one is happy.

  3. Lily says:

    Allergies are one thing, although personally I’d talk to the baal/baalat simcha about it first (and ask if they’d like me to contact the caterer directly or if they prefer to do so). Stupid requests like danishes and fillings and whatever are silly.

    Truth is, these people CAN fly or drive themselves to the wedding. I don’t see any reason they can’t. It’s incredible generous that the hosts are going through such lengths for them to go for free (beyond the time it takes to get there). They should appreciate what they are getting and bring their own darn cheese danish if it’s such a big deal.

  4. S.A. says:

    Heinous. Worst manners ever. Seriously.

  5. Lili says:


  6. Shorty says:

    I’m with heinous. I think they should have called the host/hostess and said they have preferences and ask if it would be ok to contact the caterer. Given that this has happened, she/he shouldn’t get too stressed about it. There will always be people who complain and it is very difficult to make everyone happy. As long as the requests haven’t increased her bill too much…

  7. Lady Lock N Load says:

    Better call the caterer who is doing the wedding and warn him of the ill mannered folks who may be calling!

    • Shorty says:

      I agree…I think a heads up is a good idea, and to make sure the caterer does not change/add anything without host/hotesses consent.

  8. Mark says:

    Heinous. If you have special requirements other than what the host offered to provide, BRING YOUR OWN SANDWICH for the trip!

  9. LCicago says:

    I think that the people should be happy with what they get and if they don’t think they will like or there is a problem with their diets they should bring there own food.

    the hosts have every right to be upset and should ask the other people to pay the diff of the menu they made
    MAZAL TOV may this be the worst of their problems

  10. sheldan says:

    Heinous. Nothing more need be said.

  11. shoshie says:

    Maybe Heinous is too strong a word here………
    Playing devils advocate so dont yell at me :)
    Maybe the friends didnt want to bother the baal simcha with their own issues and figured it would be less stressful to call the caterer directly?
    If it were me, I would be have been so thrilled with the host being so gracious that I would have not said anything and packed my own food and looked at whatever the caterer offered as an added plus!

  12. I think this is heinous, too! If you don’t care for the catered bus food, either A) bring your own snacks, or B) don’t take the bus.

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