Frumster Files #78546 – Heinous or Harmless



While out at dinner the other night I watched a couple that was obviously on a date. You could feel the nerves. It was kind of cute to watch them – he was trying real hard to be a gentleman and she seemed to be responding well. At one point there was a lull in the conversation. Even I felt uncomfortable. She got up to use the facilities. He whipped out his BlackBerry and started texting someone with such intensity. She was gone two minutes. She came back, sat down, and HE CARRIED ON TEXTING while talking to her!


You could tell by the look on her face that she was ticked off. He eventually put his BB away and their food arrived. 10 minutes later she went to the bathroom again. He put his hand on his BB and looked as though he was seriously considering texting but thought better. Was he texting the shadchun? Was he finding out the latest hockey score? What could have been more important than the woman he was with?


Heinous behaviour or harmless?


(I must add that on dates I have answered the cellphone only when it has been my children, but the men I dated had kids too, so they understood that.)

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  1. Rina says:

    Heinous. Definitely. Any person you’re with deserves your full attention, and detracting from it in any way is totally rude. I love my brother, but once we were chatting and he would take out his Blackberry every now and then to respond to a text or something, and it made me feel unimportant and secondary. And it totally diminished the companionship and warmth we had been sharing.

    I also think call waiting is rude. Who cares who else is calling? You’re talking to me! What do you think about call waiting?

  2. Kathrin says:

    I agree, it’s heinous!
    If he thinks she’s only worth half his attention, I think she should simply consider him worth none of her attention and leave.
    If this was one of their first dates, I don’t even want to know what a possible marriage would look like *shudder*

  3. CB says:

    absolutely heinous, and rude to boot!

  4. Chanief says:

    Heinous, on occasion my husband will check his email while we are out together and it never fails to annoy me. It’s just plain RUDE.

  5. G6 says:

    I hope this girl realized that this is not like an old married couple where the husband checks his email. This is supposedly his *best* behavior!
    Better she find out now…..

  6. lady lock and load says:

    it is unfortunate how addicted people have become to texting.

  7. Z! says:

    He was probably BB chatting with his friends about the date too…HEINOUS!

    I got used to my hubby being an addict. His crackberry is so important to him, but he lets me join in on the fun. We share the typing and texting. He needs it cuz he’s in an “emergency type” of business, where he needs to be reached 24/7. It can be annoying sometimes, but on Shabbos, I get him 100% of the time. And anyways, I’m with him nearly 100% of the time. So, missing a bit of his attention, isn’t so harsh.
    Us wives laugh about them and their BB’s now. They sit in restaurants TOGETHER and BB each other, and laugh away! It’s so sad.

  8. Baruch Atta says:

    Why is it that what ever a guy/girl does that is the least bit out of the rigorously imposed social dating rules and ettiqute, that this is amplified and taken out of context and without considering any outstanding circumstances????
    Let’s see…he texts while on a date…and continues for a few minutes when his date comes back from the restroom…so therefore he will ignore a wife and she will be a computer widow…
    Or, alternatively, his insecure and widowed mother texted him and he thought that he really should reassure her that everything is alright.
    “If her daddy’s rich, take her out for a meal, if her daddy’s poor just do what you feel…”

  9. Z! says:

    Sadly, this texting issue is an issue. It does show bad Derech Eretz. It is impolite to ignore a flesh and blood person infront of you, especially one you are attempting to impress. Likely, this behaviour will continue and probably get worse and no one makes a “big deal” out of it.
    When I worked in a store, I made sure to pay more attention to the customer infront of me, then the annoying ringing phone behind me.

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