Dating Stories That Make Me Mad

So many times I hear the same story – the girl really likes the guy, or the guy really likes the girl, but they are not ready to make the commitment. I am talking about people who are well entrenched in careers and are supposedly mature, late 20s at least. In our circles, when you date, you date for marriage. What is this rubbish about “I am really into you and I want to be with you, I just am not ready.” What does that mean? What are you waiting for? You have financial security, a good job, prospects, a nice apartment, perhaps you even have a car, you know where your life is going, you have been dating for years. What on earth are you waiting for? If you put yourself out there on the dating scene, you must have thought you were ready. If the person is not right for you, tell him / her that they are not right for you. Don’t say you aren’t ready. That gives them hope, that makes them sit pining for you night after night, hoping that the next day will be the day that you are ready to make the commitment. If after dating someone for a few months you are still not ready to make that final step and your partner is, something is not right in the relationship.

I have heard way too many stories lately about girls / guys hanging on emotionally to their previous dating partner just in case one day they will be ready to marry them. When they ask me my opinion, I tell them to move on. You cannot sit around and wait forever for someone to change their mind. “Oh but s/he will miss me so much that they will have to realize they need me in their life”. Uh, no. Mostly it’s out of sight out of mind. Yes there are exceptions. Sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder. But not that often. Maybe they don’t want to let the other go in case nothing better comes along – does anyone want to be married for that reason, that nothing better showed up??!! Obviously if they are not ready to take the relationship to the next level, they are not the one for you. Move on. Next!

Be honest. Be true to yourself and to the other person. If s/he is not for you, say it. Don’t keep the other person hanging.

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  1. batya from NJ says:

    it sounds like they are not ready to commit b/c they are waiting around to see if a better catch comes their way but they’ll string the person along until that happens. very sad for the person being dragged along & wasting their life away :(! i remember in college getting annoyed at friends who didn’t want to break up with the person they were dating b/c they didn’t want to “hurt their feelings” but to me that was the most ridiculous thing in the world. i would try to explain to them that stringing the ppl. along b/c you don’t want to “hurt their feelings” will hurt them WAY more in the long run & you are nice doing them any favors by being nice b/c it’s not nice!

  2. batya from NJ says:

    whoops-**& you are NOT doing them any favors** not “& you are nice doing them any favors” obviously….

  3. I think a lot of people (men especially) don’t know how to reject someone in a nice way, and are afraid of confrontation, and so will lead people on becuase they don’t know how to end things, and/or end the relationship horribly (like dudes who just never call back or stand you up).

    We need to teach our kids how to let people down in a nice way, and that being honest with people is better then leaving them hanging.

  4. Z! says:

    I think that these singles are NOT really emotionally ready to “share”. They feel the pressure of the their friends and family to date,but know they can “copout” in the end with the lame excuse of “it’s not you…”. Also, they might be waiting and waiting for the zing to show….

  5. C says:

    Boys stink, and dont know a good thing when its in front of them, therefore hurting themselves and the other person. Its time to make a move and cut the crap.

    • Z! says:

      There are plenty of girls pulling this shtick as well….

      • batya from NJ says:

        yup Z! my friends who were doing it in college were girls doing it to guys they quote “didn’t want to hurt” & like a-eden said, some ppl. don’t know how to reject in a nice way & want to avoid confrontation but of course in the long run it will be worse to string ppl along so ppl (guys & girls) need to GROW UP & learn to break up politely as mature young or older adults!

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