Commandments of a newlywed wife in Frum world

 

  1. Thou shalt not wear loose clothing
  2. Thou shalt not ever complain of nausea
  3. Nor shalt thou complain that your head / back / little toe hurts
  4. Thou shalt not be tired
  5. Or sleep too much
  6. Thou shalt never be seen to put thine hand on thine stomach or thine back
  7. Thou shalt not overeat in public
  8. Thou shalt not undereat either
  9. Thou shalt not refuse wine at the Shabbat table
  10. Thou shalt not complain of thirst or hunger
  11. Thou shalt not grow thy nails long or heaven forfend polish them.
  12. Thou shalt not exit thine house without makeup on
  13. Thou shalt not wear a tichel and no makeup
  14. Thou shalt never touch thy husband in public in an affectionate manner

 

Failure to keep these commandments result in the spreading of rumours of an increase in number of family members within nine months.

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8 Comments

  1. frumgoth says:

    Very funny! I don’t understand commandments 12 and 13 though. ?

  2. hadassahsabo says:

    because in your first year of marriage you are expected to look your best at all times, and if you dont…..ppl talk!

  3. frumgoth says:

    Oh, got it. I thought maybe it was some weird frum thing relating to pregnancy (like, “ppl shouldnt wear makeup or shaytels in the first trimester” or something!)

    I’m still somewhat frum myself,just going through a bad post-divorce stage, but I became frum later in life and still find that there are things i didn’t know about.

  4. There’s something for guys in it too….

  5. Raizy says:

    Good list.
    Don’t forget:
    Thou shalt never refer to your new husband by name; instead, thou shalt always refer to him as “my husband”.

  6. hadassahsabo says:

    Raizy – and as you say “my husband” you gots to flash the huge honking diamond ring…right?

    FrumGoth – welcome! yes, there is an unwritten code that takes years to pick up. even if you have been in a community for a while they each have their own little foibles. I wish you strength at this difficult time – the pain does pass, if you want it to. Hang in there.

  7. frumgoth says:

    Thanks! And the blog is great, keep writing!

  8. Z! says:

    Number 11 is incorrect. In MY neck of the woods- Brooklyn, a lady who does NOT polish her nails obviously does some type of manual labor- HEAVEN FORBID! Manicures for ALL! They go to the mikveh and take off the polish there and reapply it there as well, or early the next morning at the salon.
    And for #13. WE NEVER leave the house with a TICHEL! What do you think? We live in LAKEWOOD?!?!

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