You’re still here?

Why is it that so many people greet me with “oh you are still here?”!! Yes I am still here. Obviously, because I am standing here IN FRONT OF YOU you ninny!! I guess though, that it’s better for them to say that than “Oh, you are still here, so sorry your marriage didn’t work out” – I got that last week from some old biddy at the grocery store. Obviously if I am still here, in her mind, it couldn’t be any other reason than a failed marriage. Statistics on second marriages are so bleak. Barf!

I feel like hanging a freaking sign around my neck saying “The US government has not yet issued our visas, so yes I am here, but I will be outta here and away from obnoxious folk such as yourselves as soon as I possibly can. Ask me any question about why I am still here and I will take your poxy question and shove it where the sun don’t shine, got it??” Sad thing is it wouldn’t deter some people.

Z! suggested handing out business cards with my blog address on  – tell them to keep track of me online and stop hassling me in public. But that would totally cut into their gossip. “You know I saw HSM today – she is still here. I wonder what happened?” – it would take hours of time away from speculation and rumour-mongering.

Truth be told, I just smile and say “Yes. Just waiting for papers to come through” and I change the topic. But it chafes because I am frustrated at the situation. I know people mean well. But I am not still here by choice.

Someone suggested I give answers with shock value – such as “My husband tires me out so much when we are together that I just needed a break so I came back” or “I’ll move when I have finished my community service that I was given for assaulting nosy people like you”.

How would you answer?

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  1. Vicki says:

    If the woman asking was old, you should have asked, “oh, YOU’RE still here? I thought you’d be in the afterlife by now.” Or at least thought it.

  2. gemfit says:

    I feel your pain. My moving process has been quite a drawn out process and I’ve had a few people ask me the same question. I quietly seethe inside but I laugh and respond with a joke or a smile.

  3. Ariela says:

    How about trying to assume the best in people (since this is a time of year for introspection and self improvement). I know when I have been post due with my children (all born week 43) people asked me all the time “oh, your still here?”. I assume they meant well and were making conversation.
    People ask because they care about you and are trying to explain a situation they find odd.
    Assume the best – it works out.

  4. Lady Lock and Load says:

    We can’t change other people, but we can work on and change ourselves. Visualize the scene happening in your mind. Decide that you will not react or get emotional, you will NOT give other people such power over your emotions. You will be STRONG and calm and not take their words to heart. (NOW I HAVE TO FOLLOW MY OWN ADVICE). I don’t think these people mean anything, they just are curious what’s doing and don’t know the way they are asking the question is hurtful and painful. gmar chasimah tova. try to forgive them, just as we forgive other people Hashem forgives us too!

    • hadassahsabo says:

      you are right, i do need to not react internally…its hard tho because all my frustration is just bubbling below the surface waiting for a chance to jump out and do damage…. off to take a chill pill ;)

  5. Dave says:

    We should start a twitter thread, where in the word is HSM.

  6. I could see myself asking that question. Not because you remarried, but because people know you planned to move. In their minds, they picture you in the US, so they are surprised when you turn up at the bakery. But I will try not to ask that question in the future.

  7. Chanief says:

    You need a witty tee shirt.

  8. batya from NJ says:

    i agree that ppl. don’t mean any harm & that they are just surprised to see you (same with the over-due mom who is always asked “you’re still here?” or “you’re still around?”) which obviously she is or the person wouldn’t be bumping into her. i think that question is esp annoying to the over-due mom b/c she is often projecting her own feelings that she would have rathered to have had the baby & she is frustrated to still be waiting around which when you think of it is similar to your situation too. you’d much rather not be up north without your KoD & it frustrates you big time that you are still around town & their asking further exacerbates your pain. however, bear in mind, as others have suggested that ppl. for the most part are not asking to be rude or annoying, they are just surprised to see you esp since they had heard that you got remarried & assumed that you have already relocated to the US. as for the old biddy who was sorry about your 2nd marriage, she is either tactless, senile or a combination of the two :)! gmar tov & may you be with the KoD, living happily ever after bimheira biyameinu amen!!!

  9. Z! says:

    Batya: I LOVE how you refer to Monsey as “up north”!! For HSM it is South!!
    When Montrealer’s refer to “up north” they mean the mountains.

  10. batya from NJ says:

    hadassah thanks for clarifying what i wrote!

  11. batya from NJ says:

    i see you’re practicing your espanol which will come in handy in monsey!

  12. Siti says:

    This is indeed interesting. I experienced similar thing just two weeks ago. After many months of not contacting each other, I sent a text message to a former colleague, wishing her a good holiday. The reply from her was “hey sis, you are still alive and kicking!” I was not sure whether I laughed or cried after seeing the message. She is in her early 30s while I am 45, so does she expect me to be, hmmm, dead?

    p/s I found your blog only a few minutes ago and I am enjoying it already

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