You are so strong! – a rant

Oh give me a break. What choice do I have? Yes I live apart from my husband and seem to spend my life driving the I-87, but it isn’t indefinite. VERY SOON (you hear that Uncle Sam?!) we will have our visas and be together. Being strong ain’t got nothing to do with it. You deal with whatever the world throws at you. What am I supposed to do? Lie down and play dead because it’s so hard to deal with? Throw a tantrum because I didn’t get what I wanted when I wanted it?? Ignore everything else that’s good in my life and focus on the one thing I don’t have right now?

Being strong is for people that are fighting bigger fights – cancer, custody battles, terrible life threatening circumstances. What I am going through is not fun but anybody would manage the same issues the same. You keep on keeping on because you know there is that light at the end of the tunnel. You know there is an end in sight. Being strong – that’s when you hope there might be a light, but you aren’t quite sure. Being strong – that’s when all you have left is hope and faith and not much else. Don’t put me up on a freaking pedestal as the strong woman. I am just a flesh and blood person who is trying to do her best with each blessed day she is given. Don’t tell me when you grow up you want to be like me, because, lady, I am so far from perfect it isn’t even funny.

If there is one thing you CAN admire me for, then admire me for the love I have for my God, my boys and my husband. There is nothing on this earth that would shake that. Nothing. Love your kids and your husband the same way I do, lady, as if they are your every breath. Let them be the centre of your universe. You do that, you focus just on them, you will find that that love gives you energy and vigor to do what you need to do no matter the circumstances. That love will give you a perspective on every new day that you never had before. That each new day is a gift to be shared with those around you.

So many times I hear people, specifically women, say that they wouldn’t be able to cope with being apart from their husband for a year, and deal with all that entails. Next time someone says that to me, I shall ask them what they see as an alternative. Seriously. In the end we will be together. Am I supposed to just give up and file for divorce (God Forbid) because it’s so hard? Should I not have married him because we knew it would be tough? Think things through people. At least I see him for two weekends a month. Imagine how awful it would be if we didn’t even have that.

I know people care, I know they just want to connect with me sometimes on a less superficial level, but for some reason this being strong business just gets up my nose.

Pass the Grumpitol. I am obviously in dire need.

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  1. Maria says:

    Yup. I hear you. I am recently widowed, and people tell me how strong I am. Makes me a little weirded out. I also get a ticked off at people who are so into themselves or their pain and walk around droopy-faced and tell me I’m just stronger than they are. Please. It’s not me. It’s God IN me. If it were up to me I would lie down and give up, but there is way too much that God has for me to do – “I get so busy workin’ for de Kingdom/Ain’t got time to die”… (Old Negro Spiritual). So we just keep on keepin’ on. I’m glad you will be joined with your husband soon. I pray that all goes well, and that you will continue in God’s strength and the fierce love He has given you!

  2. Chanief says:

    You need more than Grumpitol, maybe a strong drink or seven?

    Chillax, I am sure that people who say that mean no harm whatsoever and just admire you for not walking around with a constant frown. I know if I had to do what you do, I’d be a right b*^$! all the time, so try to take it as the compliment it is intended to be.

    Whether you like it or not, you’re a strong woman in the face of the struggles you deal with, even if they’re not going to kill you, and people admire you for it. I know you have no real choice in the matter, but you do have choice in how you handle it, and you handle it with grace and humor. Not everyone has the ability to do that.

    • batya from NJ says:

      i agree with chanie! it’s a compliment when ppl. say that so just accept it as such even though you might not always feel so strong & perhaps they would do the same thing if they were in your (high heeled) shoes-LOL! just stay strong-that’s what’s important & yes, take a double dosage of grumpitol-that never hurts :)!

    • sheldan says:

      Chanie and Batya, I agree with you, but I think I can relate to what Hadassah is saying. Yes, she can be strong, but she doesn’t necessarily need everyone putting that strength in her face and reminding her.

      I think we are supporting her without constantly reminding her how strong she is…:-)

  3. Erin says:

    You are so right…and I have told people who have said I was “strong” about things the same. In life, often one has no choice about the situation, only the attitude with which we face it. What I admire about you is your strong faith, and how you carry yourself. You are a bright spot in my (and many people’s) day, and I’m grateful!

  4. next time someone says ‘you are so strong’, just say “i’ve been working out with the free weights” and see if they choose to continue…..lots of good blog entries if they do….

  5. Rainy says:

    I have a friend who suffers from an incredibly painful combination of both visible and invisible health problems. She gets SO MAD when people lay that “You are so strong.” line on her.

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