“When you meet the right one you will just know”

This is a poll for my married readers, or those in committed relationships.

When did you know that the person you were dating was THE ONE? Was it a feeling that grew over time? Was it a lighting strike from above, love at first sight? Do you remember what it was that helped you make the decision to transition from dating to marriage?

Please also include your religion, level of religiosity, how long you dated, how long you are married and anything else that you think is relevant.

Thanks.

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22 Comments

  1. Wyman Brent says:

    I was in a committed relationship but managed to escape from the asylum. Don’t tell anyone.

  2. after a few months of online, telephone and in person dating….dated for about 1.5 years, jewish, and very modern ortho.

    • HSaboMilner says:

      arnie – but how did you KNOW you were with the right one. did you wake up one day and just realize or was it a slow acceptance?

  3. RuthieAA says:

    I’m Jewish, observant but not Orthodox. I met my future husband at our Havurah. I didn’t know immediately he was the right one, but there was some moment very early on when he was laughing at my humor and I thought, “This is emblematic of how we are together, and we’ll probably be like this until we’re old.”

    It took him a long time to be ready to get married, but we’ve been married nine years.

  4. kari says:

    I knew with both husbands (the ex and my husband) on the first date.

    Actually, with #2 it might have been even before we dated and I just knew him a little bit.

    I’m a Christian. At the time I was dating the ex and at the time I was dating my husband I wasn’t actively observant of my religion, though.

    With the ex we dated off and on for a year and a half. Part of the time we were broken up and part of the time we were actively dating.

    With my husband we dated for a year and a half and there were no break-ups.

    I was married to my ex for 10 years and as of May 29th of this year I’ll have been married to my husband for 11 years.

    Looking back on my dating relationship with my ex there are signs that I probably shouldn’t have married him. I loved him deeply, but there were red flags that the relationship wasn’t going to last.

    As for how I knew – with the ex I just felt this extreme joy and happiness with him and didn’t want to be without that feeling. Call it love, I don’t know, but it was spectacular. He made me laugh, too.

    That’s a trend with both husbands – the laughter. It was what first attracted me to my husband. That and his intellect. I knew that he was a man I could happily grow old with and wanted to be with him forever.

    The transition from dating to marriage was a simple decision because with both I wanted their constant companionship and that meant marriage.

  5. sheldan says:

    I think that my wife would have said that she knew when we met in person; I was probably more careful in admitting it. We were in a long-distance relationship and got to know each other that way–we actually met about eleven months after she first contacted me.

    She said that she knew she was in love with me that first night. I was not prepared to go that far; I had to know for sure (of course, that could be hazardous as I could be throwing away something promising because of the fear of making a bad decision). But as the time we spent together increased, I realized that I could not ignore her feelings thinking that someone “more perfect” was out there; this was evidence that my search was over and I began to realize that she was my intended! I began to make plans to visit her in Pittsburgh (and propose to her then).

    My wife says that she cried during the flight home from Memphis. She would have had no idea that I had plans that would change both our lives!

    After I returned home we would call each other almost every night. Maybe it’s a woman thing, but I think she needed to hear my voice every night because I was so far away. Once I made the decision, the transition to being engaged and later married was very easy for me because we both knew that we had been the ones we had been waiting for.

  6. Within a month, I knew that he was THE ONE. I think he knew right away but it took me a while. Once I knew, it really did feel like lightning had struck from above and my other single friends thought I was being ridiculous.

  7. Z! says:

    I think for me it was the first time we actually met face to face. We had been persuing a long distance relationship for some weeks, and he wanted to finally meet. I invited him to Montreal for the weekend. It was Shabbos dinner with a Rav and Rebbitzen I really admire where we first laid eyes on each other. My Rebbitzen thought he was a real sweetie and I remember thinking to myself when he walked through the door, ” OK Hashem, if this is my Bashert, I’m really OK with this!”

  8. Kristie says:

    We both just “knew” within a couple of weeks, that G~d had brought us together. We met in church (a mutual friend introduced us) and we talked for a couple of weeks before committing to being girlfriend/boyfriend. He had 2 kids and I had 2 kids , and our children played (and argued ;) ) just like siblings, and we just felt “whole” around each other. We ended up pregnant before we married (yikes, we knew better!), but waited a yr after we started “dating” before getting married. I also wanted to make sure it was the right thing, and not just pregnancy hormones messin’ with my head! lol

    Anyway we have been married about 3 1/2 yrs, and its the most peaceful, blessed relationship I have ever been in. We don’t fight (but we do argue and debate, but its never harsh), we don’t abuse each other (been there done that :( ) and we are on the same page with parenting and matters of faith. Now, its still been a challenge, but we have been doing great with G~d”s help!

    Other relevant or not so relevant info : We are Christian (nondenominational), we have a total of 5 kids between us ages 11, 9,9, 5, and 3.

  9. Aubrey says:

    My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years. From the first moment we met, we felt a deep connection. I would definately say it was like a lightning strike. Although, I would have to say we never dated, but we agreed to be married within a month of knowing each other. We couldn’t stand to be apart, even to this day. Everyone around us thought we had lost our minds. I was 16 and he was 17 when we met. We are Messianic.

  10. HSaboMilner says:

    I am loving all of the responses. Puts a smile on my face.

    My answer – I knew as soon as I met the KoD that he was the one. I had an inkling beforehand, having spent hours on the phone and emailing, but until I actually met him I couldn’t admit it to myself or him. Once we met, it was as if these two souls had reunited after a long time apart.

  11. Heather says:

    I knew within a week. I didn’t know the first day I met him….. but it took me a few days. He knew the moment he met me (that’s what he says…).

    We’re frum but when we met we weren’t. We dated 5 years before we got married because when we met we were only 19 and wanted to finish grad school before getting married.

    We’ve been married now for uh…. 12 years? holy #%$^%$.

  12. Lady Lock and Load says:

    I remember my first date with my DH. No lightening strike from above, no LOVE at first sight. He walked me home and I went upstairs to my apartment and then I went to the window to watch my tall dark and handsome date walk to the subway station. I never did that with any other date. We got engaged after the eight date. I could have taken longer but I did not want my DH to take away time from his learning. In June we are celebrating our twenty fifth wedding anniversary!

  13. hessofar says:

    I think I knew there was a possibility before we even met in person. We spent hours on the phone, sent a million emails back and forth…it was pretty much a no-brainer to plan to meet in person.

    When I stepped off the plane and saw him for the first time, and he put his arms around me for that first hug, I felt so safe, so “home”. We haven’t “transitioned” yet to marriage, and it will be a while due to custody situations with ex’s…but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a serious commitment to each other.

    I am not religious and neither is he.

  14. pretty much immediately the day I met him on our first date (internet date), later that night I couldn’t stop thinking about him, about two weeks later we started spending pretty much every day/night together and have been together ever since.

    we started thinking/talking about marriage maybe 3 months after we started dating, but didn’t know for sure until we had been living together a couple of months, and he came to a festival with me, and I became sure at the festival while camping with him in a thunderstorm on top of a mountain. :)

  15. Helene says:

    I was 20 when I first met my husband. For me, it was love at first sight! I moved in with him less than two weeks later; we couldn’t bear to be apart. And you know what, after 37 yrs. together, I still feel that way!!!! We’re religious Jewish but not frum. I still thing my husband is the most incredible guy I’ve ever met!!!

  16. Pearl says:

    We just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary in December. When I first met my future husband in shul (he was dating someone else at the time), I thought: “That’s the type of guy I’d like to bring home.” A year -plus later, my name/number were eventually passed along to him, and we went out in December 1992 for the first time. My parents liked him, my very European father asked me a couple weeks after my first date, “Why don’t you call him?” ( a true shocker for me). There was a general easiness between us; no nervous butterflies for me all along. It was all very natural and comfortable from the beginning. By Pesach, we knew we were very fond of each other, by June we knew we would want to share a future, by August we were engaged and in December 1993, we were married. Our life together has been made richer by our three lovely (pu, pu, pu) children.
    The fact that throughout our courtship and right into our marriage, friends and family were saying and continue to say, “You make a good couple” is proof that others also recognized Ron and I were beshert.

    I hope that you and KoD share for many years to come the happiness, laughter, friendship, and loving that you both deserve with each other!

  17. The Law says:

    I knew after our first date. we were friends first and that let me get to know her.

    Jewish, Orthodox, Dated for about a year, Engaged for 7 months, Married for 5 years. (long distance relationship for most of the dating/engagement period…)

  18. miri says:

    Interesting. Isn’t there anyone here who (like me) doesn’t believe in the concept of “the one”? I’m in a wonderful relationship with someone I love deeply and hope to spend my life with, but I would never say that no one else in the universe would be as compatible, or that we were “meant to be” in some cosmic sense, or anything. I know we make reference to so-and-so being our beshert and so forth, but I would never claim that as a theological assertion.

    Actually, I think that worrying about whether someone is “the one” can be a really damaging concept. Seems like too much concern with this ill-defined and fraught concept of destiny could distract us from asking concrete questions about our relationships and goals and values and etc.

    Not that I don’t love hearing about how people met – I actually love to hear people’s stories! But I definitely don’t believe in this notion of “the one.”

    Also – this just occurred to me – I wonder how ideas about “the one” sound to people in cultures (Jewish and non-) that have arranged marriages. Probably many of them couldn’t say that their spouse was “the one” in some cosmic sense since they barely knew their spouses when they married. Or maybe some would say that they decided later that their spouse really had been the one?

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