Waking Up

I get up with the KoD. Doesn’t matter what time he needs to be up, I will wake up at the same time, put the coffee on, wave him off to work or minyan or wherever he needs to go.

Several of my friends have informed me that this goes above and beyond my wifely duties, and that if I have no reason to be up that early, I should not be expected to. I am not expected to. I choose to wake up with my husband. I like spending time with him, even if it’s just chatting as we both go about our morning routines. Apparently I am spoiling him and eventually he will take it for granted. He wouldn’t. Not my KoD.

If I am really tired, I can always go back to sleep later, right? I never do, but I guess it’s nice to have the option. Plus, when I am up early I can get a lot of stuff done without childish interruptions.

(I am trying to fold laundry and type this up and I just bandaged up two knees,  – different kids, bicycle accidents…the phone and the internet phone were ringing – what was I saying?)

What do you think? Is this an unwritten marriage rule that no one told me about? Are there others? Do you expect your spouse to wake up with you? Do you do as I do? Why? Talk to me, folks…

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  1. shorty says:

    My husband doesn’t expect me to get up with him, in fact he enjoys tucking me back in as he gets out of bed and again when he’s about to leave for the day. i will get up if he’s going out of town that morning.

  2. lady lock and load says:

    I think it’s very sweet that you wake up with your husband to make coffee and see him off. My husband is up at 5:oo AM and does not drink coffee and is rushing his kishkas to get out of the house but he does not turn on the light and is very quiet so most mornings I don’t hear him.

  3. Lili says:

    Afraid not! My husband is the coffee maker in my house, and I need a lot more sleep than he does.

  4. le7 says:

    For a long time I was the one with the early morning schedule so most of the time I would get up, get myself ready and then wake up my husband to say good bye. But now that he has started working I make it my goal to get up when he does in the morning. Doesn’t always happen (like this morning, woops) but I also need more hours of sleep to function….

  5. Baila says:

    I usually am the early riser and since my husband definitely needs more sleep than I do, I don’t expect or need him to wake up with me. I enjoy the peace and quiet of a sleeping house and also either get things done or tool around the internet. When my husband is up first, I usually do wake with him, because as I said, I’m the early riser. He likes me to have a cup of coffee with him and I take this as a compliment–he wants me there when he starts his day. We are not newlyweds, mind you, we’ve been married for 18 years and I’m okay with him being so spoiled that he actually likes to start his day with me. On the rare occasions that I do want to stay in bed, he’s okay with that too, as I’m sure the KoD would be too.

  6. mokumalef says:

    My DH is definitely the coffee maker! Also, he’s a typical early morning person and I am definitely not! If I were to get up as early as he does I couldn’t vouch for myself the rest of the day. Very sometimes it works, but mostly not! Maybe KoD likes your coffee better than his own brew?

  7. batya from NJ says:

    I think it’s very sweet of you to do it as long as you don’t mind. Like LLLs husband, my husband is always rushing in the morning to get out to shul or to the office & does not want or need me to hang around with him & he doesn’t have the need for coffee in the am although he will drink a cup or two at his office with his new Keurig that i bought for him Chanukah-time.

    There are also times that I’ve gotten up b/f him to take my son to catch his early school bus or whatever but again, I didn’t need to wake him up just because i was getting up.

    But, hey, it’s a lovely thing that you do. I personally need my sleep & am not a “morning person” so I’d much rather get more sleep & be a happier wife to my husband when he gets home from work rather than in the morning although we usually do have the chance to at least say “hi, have a great day & love you & bye” to each other most mornings b/f he is out the door for work.

  8. Chaviva says:

    I wonder if I should start doing this, too. I mean, once school starts I will be because I’ll be up earlier anyway to head into the city and do work and workout and stuff. But right now, I sleep in late and he kisses me goodbye and I tell him to “drive safely” and come home from work at a good hour. Maybe I should get up and make him breakfast or something … after all, I’m pretty convinced he doesn’t eat. Mad props to you, sister. I think you’re better than a lot of us out here who opt to sleep :D

  9. I think it is very sweet. Spoiling? There is no such thing. Your family is the center of your earthly world. They can never get too much love. No, you don’t need to kill yourself over it. But as long as you feel up to it, it is a sweet expression of love and appreciation. I would add, I don’t believe in ‘reciprocation’. We are each individuals – spouses included. Your expression of love may be to do this extra bit in the morning, and his may be something entirely different. As long as you know that he expresses his love and appreciation, it doesn’t need to be tallied against what you choose to do. Do what you want because it comes from love. That is good for you as well as for him, and the entire household.

    Hashem should bless you all with a sweet year filled with a clear perception of His love.

  10. Hmm… I’m not married, so I’ve never really thought about it. But I think this sounds like a little much. I suppose, though, that if you ever don’t want to, you just, well, won’t! As long as you don’t feel commanded or obligated, you know?

    My boyfriend is in the Coast Guard & wakes up around 0430 every day. If we ever marry, I can say definitively that I’m unlikely to make it up before he goes. :)

  11. Judit says:

    we sort of wake up together, because we both have to go to work … and to run beforehand. also, someone has to take the dog for a walk :-) but even if there were not factors, i would still wake up with him and not because he expects me to but because i can’t sleep without him. even after years and years of marriage :-)

    as long as we do stuff originating from love and respect and appreciation for the other (and not just hubby but anyone, really) it can’t be wrong.

  12. i don’t think that you can spoil a spouse with time together and gestures of kindness! that’s the sweet stuff that makes a marriage sigh-worthy! enjoy every single morning cup of coffee together- with milk, not cream, right? this was a very sweet post! :)

  13. Nora says:

    I occasionally get up with A. More often than not, though, he gets up, makes coffee, and watches the news and I stumble blindly toward the coffee pot about an hour or so later. If he’s headed out of town or I know our work schedules conflict such that we won’t have time together later in the day I’ll do my best to rise with him.

  14. Z! says:

    R gets up at 5:45 daily. I hate the alarm. Sometimes I wake for a few minutes to get tucked in by him and go back to sleep until my alarm goes off at a normal hour. Sometimes I totally sleep through his routine.
    We meet up at the office by 8:15-8:30 daily.

  15. BakerGirl says:

    I do the same as you most of the time simply because if I don’t then I don’t see my husband very much! Especially when he is on continuous night shifts in the ER…It’s part of his residency but we’re still married and I like to say a few words to him every day! :-)

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