Turning 40

Turning 40

I am turning 40 according to the Gregorian calendar next weekend. Flowers, chocolate and jewellery are all appreciated ;) .

It’s always seemed like a watershed moment in my life – a definitive age at which I am supposed to have my life together. Well, that hasn’t really happened, BUT I am more accepting of who I am, and am more aware of my own personal strengths and weaknesses.

At 30 I was in a marriage that was not right for me. I had 4 very small children, and was very afraid of the future, and at 30 had not yet found the inner strength to make the necessary changes.

I found turning 30 was so very hard. I had given birth 10 months prior to what I knew would be my last child – and knowing I was heading into my 30s with no more babies seemed to be so tragic to me. Looking back, I laugh at myself. I had four perfect children – what on earth was I worried about in that department? So I wouldn’t have a daughter, BIG DEAL. But it was, then. That possibly was also a symptom of other issues that at the time I couldn’t focus on – who’s to know?

I wasn’t to know that while my early 30s would be a time of upheaval and terrible, crushing sadness, that there was love and hope to be found. That by the time that decade was half over, my new book would begin. That the final words of marriage #1 would have been spoken, that the marriage would be dissolved, and the KoD loomed on the horizon, waiting for me to be ready to come and find him.

Ten years on and I like myself. I have forgiven myself for being the quiet little mouse afraid to make the necessary life changes in order to improve my life (and that of my kids). When push came to shove I stood up for my truth, and forged ahead, even though the path was narrow and lonely and oh-so-very hard. The timid mouse has become a loud Mama Bear, a proud one, one who won’t take any sh!t from anyone.

I am not the same woman I was at 30. I am stronger. I am better. I am empowered.

I will head into my 40s knowing that this decade will be better than the last. My children are bigger now, people with minds of their own, and almost out of the door with lives to lead without Mama Bear at the helm. This could be the decade I become a grandmother, but we are SO not going there. This is the decade that my marriage to the KoD will continue to be strong, continue to be a light and an example to our kids. This is the decade of HaDassah. This is the decade of ME. This is the decade of doing the things I always pushed off to one day in the future. My future is now.

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9 Comments

  1. S.A. says:

    Sherlock pooped in this post I see. :-P

  2. You go girl!!! I always wondered where I was, now I know… I am in the Decade of HaDassah!! It’s a great place to be, for all of us… and may it truly be the Decade of Your Life. The first of many, actually :-)

    Love ya!!
    LBD

    P.S. I thought it was going to be about an audition…?

    • HaDassah says:

      It was! But then I started to need to explain why I decided to audition and it all had to do with turning 40 and I needed to write the back story first…. Audition post to come :)

  3. Shorty says:

    Well written Hadassah. I wish I would have taken the time to reflect from one decade to the next. I was kind of sleep deprived though lol. Wishing you a wonderful birthday and Ad 120 as they say!

  4. Arnie Samlan says:

    As one who has known you only in your current incarnation, I find it hard to imagine the meek HSM. But kudos to you for continuing to grow and to develop into the wonderful friend, role model and, well, character that you are.

  5. Aliza says:

    You will ROCK the 40s. I’m right there with you, girlie. <3

  6. jay says:

    you were NEVER ever a quiet little mouse!!

  7. Ronnie Fein says:

    No chocolates or jewels, but lots of good wishes for a Happy Birthday. Yes, age can bring strength and wisdom. Glad it did for you. Keep it up!

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