Things NOT to do on a date

And these things have SO happened to me, and people that I know. Thanks to all my buddies who emailed me their horror stories.This was fun compiling, and boy am i glad that i didn’t suffer through the indignities of some of these “interesting” dates.

 

Show up with tefillin bag under arm – um, presumptuous much??!!

 

Pick your nose – gross, date or not.

 

Pick your underwear out of its wedgie – euw!

 

Discuss said wedgie in details – double euw!

 

(For men) – check that the crown jewels are still in place.  They generally don’t fall off if you haven’t checked in a while, trust me on that one. With 4 sons I would know if this happened, and if scotch tape actually worked well. (it doesn’t)

 

(For girls) – check that the ladies are still front and center. Again, they don’t fall off either. Unless they are fake – that’s a whole other post….

 

Blow nose noisily into tissue and inspect the contents after – no manners.

 

Take cellphone call unless it’s from the kids and/or an emergency. This is just common decency.

 

Text / email anyone – bored much?

 

Make burp or fart noises (even as a joke) – if you are out on a date one hopes that you have grown up a little since grade school.

 

After going to the bathroom return to that table and explain in detail what happened in there. Trust me, not very romantic.

 

Reapply lipstick or mascara at the table – it takes away the mystery, ladies!

 

Eat with your hands – no manners.

 

Chew with mouth open – euw disgusterating!

 

Talk with mouth full of food – double gross.

 

Stick your chopstix up your nose – could be funny, but oh so immature.

 

Complain about prices at the restaurant where you are eating – don’t be a cheapskate, or a snob. Doesn’t sit well with the opposite sex.

 

Bring a friend along with you. Allow said friend to flirt with your date. I think this one is pretty much self explanatory.

 

Take date on mundane errands – take your shirts / skirts to the cleaner before the date – concentrate on her / him. Sheesh.

 

Spray inside of car liberally with pine scented air freshener to get rid of the smelly socks aroma. Now that’s just plain nasty. (its nasty too if  your car has the smelly socks aroma – what is with that??)

 

Forget to clean off the front seat of your vehicle so your date can sit comfortably – that makes you look like a slob.

 

Try to convince your date that s/he should date your best friend instead. There’s names for people like that.

 

Admit at the end of the date that you are really not interested in the opposite sex, you are just doing what is expected of you. – it happened, truly. Sigh, society….

 

Check out the hot chick / cute guy that just walked into the restaurant in an obvious manner (yes, that includes letting your tongue hang out of your mouth with drool puddling at your feet).

 

Expect your female date to cover her half of the bill. A lady can offer to pay – but if he says no don’t argue. Chivalry is not dead. It shouldn’t be anyway.

 

Forget to introduce your date to the person you have been chatting with for 5 minutes. Lack of manners, again.

 

Distance yourself from your date to pretend you are not together while chatting to a person for 5 minutes. Whoa this is a doozie, not wanting to be seen together with your date.

 

Laugh maniacally at everything your date says. Call the men in white jackets, they can help you.

 

Roll your eyes with every comment. Ditto white jackets.

 

Discuss in detail every other person you dated and why they were wrong for you.

 

And the most heinous of all – DON’T  

 

Check the time repeatedly. Nothing says I am so bored like repeatedly watching the time.

 

Any that you care to share?

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12 Comments

  1. s(b.) says:

    Wow. If I were a guy, I’d leave my tefillin in the car. What is that supposed to say? — I daven, therefore, you will spend the night with me? (I realize people may be coming from work or something — tefillin bag can be put in attache case/knapsack until needed.)

  2. rowanthorn says:

    Howdy

    Guys don’t greet the date starting from the feet and proceeding to the head. You’ll almost always get stuck in the middle. Nothing says you don’t care like stopping chest level and you having a conversation. As animated as they may be, they don’t talk back. Better you should start at the head, make eye contact have a conversation while looking in her in the eye. You can then make your way down – stopping only at the shoes. Look her in the eye and compliment her on the shoes. Trust me it’s important. Now you have something else besides you to talk about.

  3. Gula says:

    My BF always takes the seat facing the door and whole restaurant and I can’t tell him that it’s no manners. Once I told him that I would prefer that seat and he gave it to me, but then after, same story. He takes the seat first. I love him to leave him just for this and many other little rude things. Oh, one more thing- on the phone I call him and he terminates the conversation and I’m not the kind of person who like chatting on the phone and I’ve been trying to tell him that I have the right to finish the conversation whenever I want if I’m the one who started.
    These kind of things from a man are so annoying.

  4. hahaha very funny but true. Something most of the guys are not doing now days is open the door of the car.

  5. ShiraSimcha says:

    Nope, been out of the dating pool for too long but geez, doesn’t anyone have any decent manners or basic human character anymore?!

  6. Jacob da Jew says:

    Wow, these guys are real assclowns.

    Well, how about a positive story?

    On one of our later dates, after shooting some pool, Da Wife and I rolled into Subsational for some grub.

    After we got married, she told me that she read in some girly magazine that the guy spices his food, he’s good in the…u know what :) .

    Hey, maybe those mags are good for something, eh?

  7. Jacob da Jew says:

    K, maybe I wasn’t clear on that comment. I spiced my food so she took that as a good thing.

  8. hadassahsabo says:

    Jacob, thanks for clearing that up – spicey food = good in bed…never heard that one! will have to redo my shidduch questionnaire to include the question of spices.

    hope da wife knows how lucky she is (and how lucky the whole world now knows she is LOL)

  9. Jacob da Jew says:

    Oh, if she found out I wrote this one up, she have my um..head.. for lunch.

    Its not spicey food though. Its spicing the food with salt, pepper etc.

    I think.

  10. [...] Things Not to Do on a Date – Lighthearted article containing advice about things to avoid on any date. [...]

  11. Alastair says:

    What an amazing list of things that you’ve experienced during dates. It’s like a list of “how not to have manners”

    That’s a list of things not to talk about. I’ve written a blog with some questions not to ask when you’re on a date…

    http://www.chasinganoodle.com/2010/02/questions-not-to-ask-on-a-first-date/

  12. Nora says:

    My favorite dating story didn’t actually end with me going on a date at all. Sometime in high school a boy pulled into the driveway and honked the horn. All 80-some odd years of my Grandfather took himself and his cane to the young man’s car and told him that, “he’d better be dropping something off because he certainly wasn’t picking anyone up,” and that he was welcome to try again another time.

    I never ended up going on a date with that particular boy. I do remember him calling me later that evening angry that I hadn’t come out with him anyhow. I’ll certainly never understand how some people’s brains work.

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