Step Parenting Quote

When they ask to call you mom, as flattering as it is, as much of a victory as it feels like, as much as you feel you’ve earned it and deserve it, your life will probably be a whole lot easier in the long run if you point out, “I love you very much, but let’s think of something else for you to call me, since you already have a mom.” Again there are exceptions, but they are few and far between.

From StepMom Magazine – FROM THE JANUARY ISSUE: Taming the Mommy Tiger, by Wednesday Martin, Ph.D.

Post Written by

No Comments

  1. David says:

    Both my GF’s dad and I have been VERY consistent with his daughters — they may have two “Dads”, but only ONE father!

  2. sheldan says:

    I think the same thing can apply to mothers-in-law. My wife called her mother “Mommy,” and she calls my mother “Mom.” I call my mother “Mother.” I thought about how, when I got married, I would address my future mother-in-law. Would it be proper to address her by her first name? (If I had her permission, that might be the proper thing to do.) Or should I use something other than “Mother”? Unfortunately, my wife’s mother passed away 1 1/2 years before we got married, so I never had the chance to decide this.

    Can we expand this discussion as to the proper way to address in-laws?

    • HSaboMilner says:

      sure can, Sheldan!

      I always call my maternal unit – Mum or Mummy and MOTHER when I would be ticked off at her. My MIL – well, she’s Ma or Mom… British vs American pronunciation. Works for me :)

  3. sara g says:

    I have never really understood this calling a parent-in-law mom or ma or dad or anything like that. when there are children, maybe call them saba and savta, but before that? they are not your parents. (even though you might love them
    dearly.) maybe it is because in israel we just call them by their first name and the problem never came up.

  4. Dave says:

    I have always referred to my in-laws by their first names (and my wife refers to my Mother by her first name).

  5. rubyv says:

    One MIL is mom, the other is firstname. Works for me.

  6. Z! says:

    MIL- Mum/mom. She refers to herself as Mommy. I am rather pleased to call her Mom, though it feels weird for my own mom as when I refer to her as Mom, she gets a touch confused.
    Mother- Ma, Mom: if upset- MOTHER.

    I have a friend who has step children and children she shares with her husband. The step kids call her by her fisrt name, her youngest daughter is being taught to call her mommy. It is a lot like when a child realises that their parent has another name and “tries it on” until the parents reinforce the whole “I’m Mommy/Daddy, not so and so”. It’s been a little trickier as she doesn’t fully understand the “different status” her step siblings have to her mom. (I know they will figure it out, but it is a little confusing for the little one)

  7. Baila says:

    For the first couple of years I didn’t call my mother in law anything, sometimes it got pretty awkward. Now I just call her what Isaac calls her, “mama” (spanish). I refer to her as abuelita, but it seems silly to call her that when I’m addressing her myself.

    G-d willing, when my kids someday get married I would have the in-lwas call meby my given name….

  8. Mrs. S. says:

    My husband and I call each other’s parents: “Abba and Imma” – which is exactly what we each call our own parents.

    I know that both my parents and in-laws would be very insulted if we called them anything else, because they are all very careful to treat their in-law children as their “real” children.

  9. Brenda Mommy says:

    I have struggled with what to call the MIL/FIL since I attended some sort of Jewish learning workshop where the speaker claimed that it was somehow like breaking the commandment of honoring your mother and father by refering to your in-laws by their given names. I’m not sure I got the whole point….
    I have Israeli in-laws and our relationships are sometimes a bit strained as the cultural differences surface. So now I call them Saba and Safta most of the time – even when the kids are not around.

  10. Hadassah says:

    Someone once told me a funny story: Her father didn’t call his in-laws by any name. Once he was building a sukkah with his FIL and one of the walls was about to fall. He wanted to warn him but since he didn’t know what to call him, he just ran and caught the wall himself.

Leave A Reply