Skinny Wench Mouths Off

Seriously, people!! We all know that in the month that we have Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and umpteen days of Sukkot that we stuff our faces. There is a lot of food, a lot of not always so healthy choices and we all feel like our clothes are tight at the end of the holiday marathon. Yes, even me!

Apparently, being the skinny wench that I am, it is forbidden for me to even allude to any weight gain whatsoever. Because even if I gained 5 lbs it’s sacrilegious for me to even mention it. No one wants to hear me comment on it. Even if the conversation around me is about the same subject, there is a moratorium on hearing my opinion. Looks of disgust abound.

Matter of fact, there apparently must be a weight limit that has unofficially been applied to such conversations. I think maybe the 17th commandment applies here “Thou shalt only complaineth about weight gain when one’s clothing size is in the high double digits or higher”.

I have worked hard to get where I am (this time 3 years ago I was 55lbs heavier), and while not obsessed about my size or my weight, I do keep track. Am I not allowed to feel bloated or heftier when I have over-eaten? Does a skinny wench have no fat-feelings?

And telling me not to worry because I can afford to gain the weight – would I turn around and tell someone to worry because they could stand to lose some weight? NEVER.

Open season on the skinny wenches, apparently.

Pass the chocolate…..and the Grumpitol.

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  1. Eli says:

    I hear ya. I lost 94# last year and I had gained back a few over the holidays. I was panicked to be honest. The thought of gaining that back scares me to death. I am now working on getting maybe another 3-4 off. I mean, hey, I can’t buy a wardrobe for every holiday weight gain, you know????

  2. Dear Skinny Wench,

    In a word: No. It’s not about your opinion or right to have one. It’s about the hurtfulness of a skinny wench complaining about a few extra pounds in front of the fat wenches who are desperately struggling to get their weight down into double digits starting with a “1.” It’s not meant to invalidate YOUR feelings, but to protect you from their use of forks and knives in a context tableware was never meant to be used in.

    My DD is over 6′ tall and under 150 lbs. She’s a “skinny wench.” She has actually reached a point where she wouldn’t mind gaining about 10 lbs. But there was a time… Oh, there was a time. And frankly, I got tired of protecting HER from the daggers in other women’s eyes when she’d exclaim – in PUBLIC – that she felt “so fat” or “bloated.” Seriously, when we can put out hands around your waist, with fingers touching on all sides, we don’t want to hear it.

    I think we should put all weight discussions in a category with public displays of affection – unless we’re attending a weight-loss (or weight-gain) support group (or an orgy).

    Pass the Sachertorte. And isn’t the weather just LOVELY?

  3. mrsmelissasg says:

    You know I so feel you on this one. Skinny wenches unite!

    • mrsmelissasg says:

      PS – I love how it is ok for ppl to ask me when I am due after having the post-chag (or general life happens) bloat, but not ok for me to complain about it… Ummm, if it makes me look pregnant* its enough to complain about. Regardless of what size the rest of me is.

      *When I am pregnant (b’h) I will be happy to look pregnant. However, I’m not and it is upsetting on multiple levels to be reminded of that. Thats a whole separate post/vent/rant though.

  4. frumgoth says:

    I’m not as skinny of a wench as you, but I am on the petite side so I can totally understand what you’re saying. Three days straight of eating – even those of us in the “sample size” category gain weight and feel fat. But you’re right – we’re not allowed to complain about it to others! Maybe we can form a support group. It would have to be top secret though, b/c of the scorn of those who think we should just shut up – lol!

  5. Jax says:

    What I’ve learned over my weight loss time line is… be grateful with what you have and where you are. Yes, my friend, you have a right to complain- it’s not like you do it all day or do it in spite to hurt others. If someone is unhappy with their weight and are overweight, they shouldn’t look at you in anger but be angry at themselves and work towards being a healthy weight. Weight loss isn’t easy, and on the other hand, weight gain isn’t easy either.

    Just be healthy, be happy and tell the rest of them to sod off.

  6. Yonit says:

    As a former skinny wench I’ve been in both places. I voiced my opinion on weight loss when I went up from a zero to a 2. I was being real and honest, especially since I have always been curvaceous (read: pearshaped) even when a size zero.

    Now 10yrs and 10sizes up later I realize how I must have sounded to people who were struggling with their weight. It’s like a bunch of poor people lamenting their humble abodes and a rich person joining in cuz their foyer is smaller than they’d like. Or infertile ladies discussing menstrual woes and Fertile Myrtle joins in (been on both sides o that one too). This is why there are specific support groups because sharing with people in the same situation is easier to do.

    Frankly if I found myself in a conversation with my skinny self there would be a wet kipper in my purse and I wouldn’t hesitate to use it! (cuz it would be myself, to other people I’d be polite n stuff). But if a skinny person feels fat, then my fat is like a bazillion times worse :( Shouldn’t be that way, don’t bash the plump messenger ;)

  7. Mike S. says:

    Of course you can feel that way. And voice it with the other skinny wenches. But think how it feels for a woman who has more fat in one chin than you have all told to hear you complaining. It will sound like you are bragging that you can notice an extra pound.

    If you are of an academic bent imagine that the teacher has given a very hard exam, and the kids who normally get 92′s are commiserating about getting scores in the 70′s, and along comes the kid who always get 100% and she starts complaining about her 98%.

    Just translate the look of disgust into what it really is: the other women being jealous of of your figure and wishing they had half your willpower.

  8. Because you’ve been where some of these people are, I’d hope you could find some compassion & understanding for how they feel. It ALWAYS open season on people who are overweight, & it’s one of the most challenging personal struggles to live with & face & combat. You should know, too, that it’s difficult to listen to thin friends lament a little bit pf pudge when you’re trying to kick the 50 “extra” pounds that have put you in the “clinically obese” column.

  9. Chaviva says:

    As someone who has been stuck around the same weight (give or take three or four pounds) for more than two years, I’m the kind of person who cringes when you talk about weight gain. I love you to pieces, but it’s frustrating for me. I just joined Weight Watchers for the fourth time (the first time worked, the other three didn’t) as a 27th birthday gift to myself.

    Yes. I joined a weight-loss/management program as a BIRTHDAY GIFT. Imagine how that feels.

    My weight exacerbates depression, my knee pain, my relationships, my everything. I’m the girl who stopped shopping with her friends after — in high school — a friend asked for a smaller size after I’d handed her the ZERO from the rack.

    I’m not saying to not have your own kvetches, just consider your company. You might think someone is beautiful or fine how they are, but for them? Being an entire person heavier than you is frustrating, depressing, and maddening.

  10. Ariela says:

    I think you need to be careful to whom you complain.
    Also, based on your posts in this blog – you do seem obsessed about your weight and body image. Why don’t you go over the past 100 posts and see how often you talk about your weight and how you look. I bet you would be surprised to find that it is quite often. That points to a body image issue that you might want to address.

    • lady lock and load says:

      Ariella, I disagree with you. I know Hadassah personally ever since KoD snatched her from the cradle ;) and I can’t think of a single time that we talked about weight. Oh, ONE TIME she mentioned she had once weighed more.
      As far as her writing on this blog, I don’t think she obsesses over weight and body image (at least more than your average woman!)

      • Ariela says:

        I only know Hadassah from this blog. I can give you examples of obsessive posts about her looks/ weight: this one, the Eye Candy Post, the Tsinnus post etc….

        • lady lock and load says:

          Ariella, I don’t think those posts show any obsession. Normal woman kind of stuff. If she was posting how much she weighs, how she feels so big, her latest diet and exercise regime, then it would show some sort of issue but this is not the case at all.

          • frumgoth says:

            Good point, Lady l & l. There is so much pressure from all around on us women to be thin that I think we all feel it – no matter what size we are, or how much we weigh. It’s unfortunate that society is like this, but it’s a reality. There is a difference between normal woman stuff, as you said, and obsession. Sometimes it’s hard not to cross that line, but that’s a whole other discussion.

    • HSaboMilner says:

      and you seem obsessed, Ariela, with only commenting when you have something snarky to say or have a dig to make.

  11. Ariela says:

    Hadassah – you should also check your Body Mass Index (BMI). Is it in the normal range? If so, then complaining about your weight is not the most tactful thing to do – especially in the company of people whose BMI is above the normal range.

  12. HSaboMilner says:

    I just wanted to thank you all for your insight and your opinion – you have all given me something to think about, and I very much appreciate that. Sometimes we are so consumed with our own lives and our own thought processes, that we do not take the time to look at the other person’s point of view. So thank you, for that. From the heart.

  13. Eli says:

    I probably am guilty of the same on my little piece of the blogosphere. I lost 94# last year. Dass lost 55# – that’s a LOT and it does take a lot of self talk to begin to see yourself as the person you’ve become. If we can’t do it here, where do you propose we do it?

    Personally, I do worry about my weight. I am 5’5″ and weigh 119 lbs. My BMI is just fine thank you very much. I know this because I check. I also know I am healthy because I check that too. But does that stop me from freaking when 7 extra pounds crept on? No. That 94# is a big chunk of change that I don’t want to give back willingly. On the other hand, I also still see myself as the “fat girl” and it’s VERY hard to talk about myself as the VERY skinny girl. So…I do.

    Am I self-obsessed? Maybe. But it’s all a process. I love when Dass talks about herself in this way. I know her personally and it is SO her. I do the same and I am sure people get sick of it. But I get Dass and I love her…and if I didn’t have anything nice to say when she brings up a subject, I would politely decline to contribute…not be snarky and nasty.

    As it is, I say talk away Dass. I, for one, get you….and always will :)

    <3

  14. Benji Lovitt says:

    Is it crazy for a man to respond? I have been superthin my entire life and now entering my upper 30s (JESUUUUUUUUUUS!!!!!!!!), I have finally reached the stage where I cannot eat whatever I want with no repercussions. When I say I want to get in shape or watch my weight, nobody gets it. What matters to each of us is not of course where we rank among the population but how we compare to how we would like ourselves to look. Fortunately I don’t have to deal with responses from other men; it’s usually women telling me I have nothing to worry about and I assume I’m not offending them. I can see how it would be more complicated if I were a woman. And that possibility of course would make this conversation much more interesting.

  15. ima2seven says:

    I am just not sure why this is about one’s “rights”. I think the mitzvah is to always try to be tactful and sensitive, even when something is bothering us.

    I like the analogy about the poor person / rich person. We all have times where we aren’t comfortable with what we have, and everything is relative, not just weight, but when we complain about our lot it can often lead to someone else just wishing they had our problems.

    I had to learn this lesson from a friend who listened to me gripe about my kids driving me nuts… while she was heartbroken over an inability to conceive, and even adopt. Did I have a “right” to feel overwhelmed in that moment about my kids? Of course, but it doesn’t mean that that friend had the ears to hear it from me at that moment.

    We have to give the griper the benefit of the doubt too, and assume that they are only relating to their own experience. But I still think tact and sensitivity are the issue here, not rights.

  16. lady lock and load says:

    I agree with you ima2seven. A woman I know was making a wedding for her daughter. Of course I was happy for her, but I must admit I was a drop jealous for my own daughters are not married yet (may Hashem send them their beshairt!)
    Anyhow, anytime I met this woman she had to fill me in with all the details of the vort and the wedding details and the shabbos sheva brochos, and I held it in and was happy for her, smiling etc. Then after the wedding she complained to me how she missed her daughter, cause now she was married! I could barely control myself from strangleing her, chas v’shalom. She didn’t realize how bad she made me feel and she never will. The Torah wants us to be kind to others and not cause others feelings of pain.

  17. Duvii says:

    Dear Hadassah,

    The rule is simple. If your dress size is less than your shoe size, you may not complain.

    You have two options if you would like to participate in the “I feel Fat: discussions:

    1. shrink your feet
    2. gain weight

    See, those of us who are horizontally challenged (also diagnosed as having a height problem) have two times of the year (Tishrei and Nissan) when we can blame an event as opposed to blaming the true culprit, that being the one we see in the mirror.

    Please don’t take this away from us.

    Your buddy,

    Duvii

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