Poll for divorced parents

When your child is / children are with the other parent – how often do you call on the phone? Do you feel like you are imposing? Or just keeping lines of communication open? When the kids are with you and their other parent calls to speak to them do you see that as an imposition? How often is too often to call when the kids are not with you? What system do you find works best for you? Are you the custodial or non custodial parent, or do you have shared custody?

I am trying to figure out whether I call my kids too much when they are not with me, or whether I fall into the normal range. (I called them twice this weekend, but they know they can call me at any time and they do.)

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  1. Kim says:

    I talk to my kids just about every night when they are with him. And vice-versa. Just to say good night. I am ok with it–they know they can call me anytime or him anytime they want to.We have 50/50 custody–they are with me a week, then him a week.

  2. frumgoth says:

    We have 55/45 (i have a little more than him) and we do not call at all when it is the other parents time . However, my daughter can call either of us when she is w/ the other parent.

  3. Kristie says:

    Usually we don’t call my stepdaughter unless its an extended period of time (we see her EVERY Wednesday, and every other weekend). When my ex was alive, he would call maybe once a month , if even that.
    I think that calling once a week is sufficient, unless the child(ren) want to call more or there are some important things going on. I think a lot of it depends on the age of the child too, a younger child might need to hear from a parent every day or every other day.

  4. Marla says:

    I am the custodial parent, and my ex can call my home whenever he wants to speak to my son. When my son is at his home, I don’t call, but my son knows he can call me whenever he wants to.
    I don’t think you are over-calling. You are pretty far away from your boys when you are in NY, and I am sure it makes them feel better to hear from you and know you’re ok, just as it makes you feel better to hear their voices and to know that all is well with them.

  5. depends on the ages….when my kids were little,i would only try to call once over a few day period. i felt secure in my relationship with them, etc.

    as they got older, they would call me (sometimes frequently) and so, i rarely needed to initiate the calling.

    my ex would often call, and while i was ok with it, i was always confused as to why it couldn’t wait a day or two.

    now, my17 year old checks in by phone, sms, email, facebook at least once or twice a day!

  6. tom says:

    We share custody…I call at least once a day when I do not have the kids…to say hello/good night. I will also occasionally shoot them an email as well. I do not feel like I am imposing….

    and my kids can call me anytime…except when I am watching a movie, a game, out on a date, sleeping, napping, or eating. So unless someone is on fire they pretty much leave me alone ;)

  7. orieyenta says:

    I’m the custodial parent and in the many years since I have been divorced from my ex – he has NEVER once called to talked to our daughter.

    One time he had her for a week and brought her to Disney – he didn’t allow her to call me the whole time. After that I bought her a cell phone and she calls me whenever she wants to. She calls me quite often when she is away and because of this, I rarely call her. I guess it also helps that each month the total amount of time she is actually away probably amounts to a little over 2 days.

    Don’t overthink it – I am certain if your ex felt you were imposing, he would say something and the kids don’t complain so I think it’s fine.

  8. Eddie says:

    Very interesting topic, i’m one of the unfortunate guys who’s ex wont allow calls during her time to our son who lives with her, and for that matter emails neither. he cant even communicate with his older brother who lives with me. B’H we see him every two weeks friday to monday. despite this nonsense, she can call the boys whenever they are with me. but there is only so many times we can call and it rings off before you give up. in the UK, the lawyers consider quality contact should only be during the alloted time with the children, and making calls to the other party disrupts their contact. an incident happened a few years ago when i saw the kids by accident on shabbos on the wrong weekend, and i was critisized by Judge for giving the children a brocha, i basically should have ignored them.

    • HSaboMilner says:

      so if you see your kids in the street when its not your time with them you are not to talk to them?? that’s just plain cruel.

  9. Eddie says:

    exactly right, you must pretend you dont see them. the judges say its interfering with other persons quality time, especially weekend time. i think if a party wants to make it an issue then it will be. A sensible parent would see the benefit of the kids being happy and not make an issue of it. In answer to the main question, a parent should be able to call the children when with the other parent whenever they want, after all the other parent merely has to pass the phone over to the children, hardly an onerous task.

  10. Derek says:

    When me and my ex-wife had a divorce early this year, we tried our best to explain it to our kids and for them to accept it soon. My ex-wife used a kids’planner/organizer which really helped them cope up with this situation. So far, they have been doing ok. Thanks to co-panning-manager.com (http://4help.to/children) and its kids’planner.

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