Oh Hush Your Mouth!

I know that having a blog under my own name is a double edged sword. I know that including my email address on my blog is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse. It gives people the ability to moralize at me at will. My twitter page leads to my blog, so if someone wants to find me after seeing a tweet, they can.

I tweeted this morning – “I wish there was a way to get all my make up [on] in 30 seconds….I so cannot be bothered this morning BUT i look like drek warmed over.”

Cue email. Apparently this person has been following my life thru twitter and the blog. She (he?) seems to think that when I am not in the same city as my KoD it is wrong for me to wear make up and make myself look pretty. It’s acceptable for me to get ausgepitzed (tarted up) when he is around because he will benefit. Furthermore, the fact that I want to look nice when he isn’t around apparently is a reflection on my terrible morals – that I want other men to look at me. I guess I should be thankful I didn’t mention the stiletto heeled boots and short skirt I was planning to wear.

So let me get this straight. When our husbands are out of town we have to look awful. We only wear make up and nice clothing for our husbands. We don’t do it for ourselves. We don’t do it so that we can have good self esteem and feel positive about who we are. No. We belong to our husbands and have to bend to their will. Every breath we take is sanctioned by them. Wait, am I even allowed to breathe when KoD isn’t around, or do I have to ask him first? Hang on a sec, where the heck did I put my burka?!

Do me a lemon!!

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26 Comments

  1. sheldan says:

    Hadassah,

    Don’t change because of the naysayers on e-mail. You are a breath of fresh air and I think we all should remember that Orthodoxy comes in various packages. The common element is that there is a recognition of the line (called halacha) that we acknowledge. Again, Herman Wouk’s line, paraphrased, which is “Everyone, no matter how observant, will fall on the trefe side of the line of someone else.”

    I think you have the common sense to know where that line is, so if someone has a problem with makeup, dress, blogging, TV, etc., I think you have told them off in no uncertain terms. Consider this the first comment in support of your position.

  2. Cam says:

    I remember a few years ago I was talking about clothing in a forum of mostly men. I mentioned that I dressed to hide my figure flaws (which are many). My main fashion philosophy was and still is “Look at my boobs, not my butt” (I’m not Jewish so I can flash my boobs as much as I want). The men couldn’t believe that I dressed that way, not to be provocative to the opposite sex, but to make me feel better about myself, that when *I* looked in the mirror I was pleased with the effect. The thought that men never entered the picture when I planned my wardrobe was completely foreign to them. Sounds like it’s the same thing with this PITB.

  3. shorty says:

    isn’t it nice that people send you these suggestions? it gives you something to talk about :)

  4. AWW don’t you love how people- when they are nameless and faceless and can hide behind a screen name- are so quick to judge and criticize? It is judgemental comments like that that make give people the impression that Judaism is a dominant and patriarchal religion. And I for one– who just studied a parsha in Bereshit with my daughter- when Hashem told Avraham to defer to his wife Sorah’s wishes ( in regards to Hagar)– don’t believe it to be so– so there Hadassah– I think the KoD needs to be calling you and asking permission if he can wear his extra tight jeans , or that oh so come hither sweater ;)

    • hadassahsabo says:

      oh Melissa, thank you so much for that mental picture. I shall be drooling for the rest of the day. extra tight jeans and KoD …… be still my heart!

  5. Barbara says:

    Agree totally with Melissa, Hadassah! :) You go, girl!

  6. I totally feel what you’re going through. Every other day, I get a Tweet or a blog comment or email that makes me wonder why I don’t go back to blogging anonymously!

    • hadassahsabo says:

      these people think they are so perfect. altho, maybe they are just jealous of us that we have the guts to be honest and out there.

  7. Mark says:

    We only wear make up and nice clothing for our husbands. We don’t do it for ourselves.

    I think that over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that most of the makeup and other ausgeputzt stuff that wives (and even singles to a large extent) do is really for other women.
    :-)

  8. Gavi says:

    If you wish to burst this commentator’s bubble, you should tell her about the mitzvah for Jewish women to look beautiful, to wear nice clothing and jewelry (Ketubot 59b). This mitzvah applies at all times, both inside and outside the home (Sha’arim Metzuyanim Behalachah 153:24).

    (Sources courtesy of Rav Ari Enkin.)

  9. Lady Lock and Load says:

    It is a mitzvah for you to put on a shaitel, wear makeup, etc. You have four boys to marry off! ;) LOL. KoD is gonna buy you a pink burka for purim…so noone should lay eyes on his woman!

  10. Frayda says:

    Of course we need to look nice. We are daughters of G-D!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are representing our religion everwhere we go. It is a chillul Hashem to go out looking like “drek”. We must always have the appearence of princesses. Hadassah, I think you do a great job of always dressing nicely and like a bas yisroel.

  11. Chanief says:

    You harlot, you! Looking good when you are in a whole other country than your husband? Scandalous!!!

  12. Susan says:

    You go woman!!
    Some days I see no one, yet every day i wear clothing that is comfortable and attractive to me, jewelry and make-up…..for me!!

  13. Heather H. says:

    As a beliver in modesty, I love reading blogs to see how other women deal with the issue. I have enjoyed reading yours. And I agree with everything you said in this post except the burqua comment. As a Muslim I must say that such a comment seems to only promote enmity between our religions instead of peace and understanding.

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