No Offense……

Puhleeze. When you preface any phrase with these two words it totally means “I am going to offend you but by saying no offense I am trying to blunt the edges”. Somehow my kids have learned this phrase and have started using it left right and centre. “Ima, no offense, but next time you make this could you put less salt / pepper / attitude?”. “Well kid, no offense, but how about next time you open you mouth you think before talking?”

In the same vein, when you vent, and then you add “I’m just saying” at the end – again it’s a tactic to minimize the bite, but I don’t think either of these tactics work. They are passive aggressive and are meant to absolve the talker of any responsibility for his/her words.

If you have something to say, say it nicely. Don’t think you can add a little phrase and it makes the pain of your words go away. Have the courage and belief in yourself that what you have to say has merit and just say what you need to say but in a polite and respectful way.

….just sayin’ …..

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16 Comments

  1. Meira_Davi says:

    Hmmmm….you make a very interesting point. Just sayin….

  2. batya from NJ says:

    it’s kinda like when ppl. say “with all due respect…” & they they feel that they can continue to be totally disrepectful with anything that comes out of their mouths b/c they prefaced what they said with “with all due respect” or if one says “nisht oif shabbos geredt” meaning “not for discussion on shabbos” & then they can feel free to discuss business, sports or whatever non appropriate for shabbos discussion b/c they have said those 4 little words. funny how that works :)!

  3. amhausman says:

    I don’t mean to be cold but…

    I don’t mean to be racist but…

  4. was says:

    Some of my best friends are jews, but…

  5. Rebecca says:

    How about …”having said that”many people are so use to saying certain words or phrases that it becomes part of their opening up their mouths. How about those who call everyone honey or dear, unless it is ur name..lol – Maybe to stop your son’s no offense statement, maybe you should say: yes, I take offense, so please rephrase your statement. I don’t know how old he is but it might be worth a try.

  6. Rainy says:

    My Southern side of the family prefaces stuff like that with (or sometimes appends the following) “Bless his/her heart.” e.g. “Bless his heart, he is as dumb as a sack of hammers.”

    So it basically means, “Lashon hara coming up with a side of grits and gravy, but not technically because the bless his/her heart totally negates any ill intent you might have construed from my words because that phrase gives me a get out of jail free card to be catty.” Which of course is plain silly and doesn’t take any of the sting out, it just lets people pretend that butter wouldn’t melt.

  7. Mark says:

    Yeah, I can’t stand any of these. If you have something to say, say it! No need to preface it with a “softener”. We also discussed this recently here -

    http://esteelavitt.blogspot.com/2009/11/no-offense-but.html

  8. Duvii says:

    When I say “With all due respect” that means “You are entitled to your point of view no matter how wrong it may be”.

    :-)….

  9. Z! says:

    My hubby says that “I’m just sayin’…” means “full of S*@T!!”

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