Never say never

One thing I said years ago after my separation and subsequent divorce, was that I would NEVER ever get married again. In fact, I said I was off men for good. All they do it bring heartache and pain and there was no way I was ever going to open myself up to that again. I had my boys – I didn’t want or need a man.

After a year or so on my own I started to revise that statement. I may not have wanted to get married at that point, but the idea of actually dating a MAN did not seem quite so terrifying. I eventually started to date. I dated the wrong men (oy, it hurts to look back), I dated the almost-right men – I have chronicled some of it here on this blog – but at some point I knew I wanted more.

At this point I was happy – happy from within myself, not dependent on anyone for that happiness. I had let go so much of the bitterness and resentment that had festered within. I was happy and content – on my own terms. I knew I didn’t need a man in order to be happy, however I wanted a partner to share in that happiness and expand upon it.

I wanted to feel that I was the center of someone’s universe, I wanted to feel loved, to feel warmth, to feel special. I wanted to be #1 on someone’s list. I wanted to be needed and cherished. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to share my life with an equal partner. I knew I was ready to love again, and take the marital plunge. It just became a question of finding Mr Right.

When I think back to how vehemently I had railed against marriage in those early dark times, I wince and chuckle a little wryly. THEN, that was how I felt. I was so sure that feeling would last forever. Thank the good Lord it didn’t. Time does heal, and I learnt that all men were not the same. All men were not the enemy. I was finally ready to give marriage another shot – but I was so cautious when dating. I made the KoD jump through hoops and practically pushed him away before I realized he was the one. (Yup, I almost let him go….)

Never say never – no one knows what’s around the corner.

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6 Comments

  1. Batya says:

    You’re a lucky/wise girl. Some people never find the right one or don’t know how to look or know when it’s time to let go.

  2. Sarah says:

    I’m so pleased you found happiness again x

  3. batya from NJ says:

    There are many people who feel burned by their failed marriages & are afraid to ever try again. In fact, I have a relative who has been divorced for YEARS but whenever anyone suggests a potential match, she feels like she’s been literally burned (no pun intended) before so why would she want to try again. That said, I am happy for you who BH was successful in finding love the second time around b/c it isn’t easy & not everyone is as fortunate or is even interested in ever trying again.

  4. Ruthie says:

    The KoD sounds like a truly wonderful husband. I hope I will be as blessed as you are second time around.

  5. meirgreen says:

    Congratulations on finding your beshert the second time `round!

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