Marriage Advice

At my bridal shower we had a game where everyone present had to write down on a flower shaped paper two pieces of marital advice – one risqué, one not. So for example, “don’t go to bed angry” and “have a code name for nookie”, and then they were all collected (having been written anonymously), pipe cleaners threaded through the middle of the flower, and presented to me in a bouquet. It was actually very cute and sweet.

 

So if you were giving out marital advice, what would you advise a newlywed couple? Thanks.

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  1. lady lock and load says:

    My husband has his famous marital advice that he used to tell all newlyweds…treat your husband like a King. And a husband should treat his wife like a Queen. A little redundant for KoD and QoH, no? After all, you guys really are King and Queen!

  2. Z says:

    First and foremost, be best friends!

  3. eh I always hated that don’t go to bed angry one…for me it actually helps to take a step back from a big fight and not resolve it right away, because then I can get greater objectiveness and clarity (and I usually end up realizing what an ass I’m being by the morning). Besides, the few times i’ve gone to bed angry, B always wakes me up in the middle of the night to apologize. :)

    My marital advice is make the time to have a date night away from all your kids at least once or twice a month.

    Also, once you move in together, remember that it’s supposed to be hard when you are moving in together, so stupid fights about where to put the couch are par for the course. If you are moving into his place, I recommend redecorating or rearranging furniture to some extent (it could just be a rearranging of the couches or hanging up a few of your paintings), so it feels like more of ‘your’ place then just his place.

  4. Raizy says:

    Don’t tell your friends or family about the fight that you’re having with your spouse.
    1)It’s none of their business.
    2)It’s a betrayal of your spouse.
    3)They will remember what you tell them long after you have already made up with your spouse, and the bad feelings will linger.

  5. hadassahsabo says:

    great advice so far – thanks! Raizy – your point was excellent. I never thought of that before. Lady LnL – he treats me like the queen of queens, i am so blessed, i try to treat him like a King, i hope i succeed (KoD, care to weigh in here?) Eden – everyone needs to know what works for them, and it does take time. Z – he is the best friend i have ever had.

  6. Ohh I like raizy’s advice too. My little brother’s ex girlfriend used to write long posts on her blog (which she knew I read) about every little fight she and my brother had, including gory details. Even though they always made up (until they broke up), knowing all that stuff about them just made me feel awkward around her and wonder why they were still together.

  7. KoD says:

    I am so happy that my beloved wife feels that I treat her as she should be treated–like a Queen. I will continue to work very hard to make sure that QoH feels this way always. And, I feel so blessed for her love. She truly treats me like a “King”. So, yes, darling, you are succeeding and giving me more love and affection than I ever received and that I ever thought possible.

  8. hadassahsabo says:

    aw KoD – thanks for your sweet words (u know i love you), and thanks for taking the time to stop by and visit for a while. I miss you, my King!

    (i am so filled with warm fuzzies right now that i have to back away from the keyboard, or i might be responsible for a mass upchucking due to the hyper sweetness of my words….)

  9. Shoshana Raff says:

    Shalom Bayis should always be your priority. So no matter how you are currently feeling or what you would like, think about if it is more important than shalom Bayis. If its not, then compromise or stay quiet or just let it go in the name of Shalom Bayit.

  10. Z! says:

    I always try to remember the words made famous by Billy Joel.

    “Now you tell me you love somebody and you’ll love them forever, you may love them forever, but you won’t like them everyday.”
    -Ain’t No Crime

  11. hadassahsabo says:

    Shoshana – wise words, ones that i will remember.

    Z! thats what i tell my kids, i may not like you very much right now, but i love you no matter what. (ok at this point they roll their eyes and say “whatever”)

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