I hate my hair

I want to cut it all off. Right now it is past my shoulders. It isn’t curly, but it’s more than wavy. It’s going slightly grey, but thank God for Clairol. KoD loves my hair. Every time I talk about cutting it he flinches. Of course, he tells me it’s my hair, it’s up to me what I do with it.

If I didn’t keep it covered most of the time it would be in better condition. I would spend more money on keeping it styled and coloured and de-greyed. But it would probably be in a chin length bob.

So what do I do? I like the fact that my husband loves my hair. I would hate to cut it and see sadness in his eyes, even though it would make me happy to have better looking (to me) hair. I know he loves me, long hair or not. It isn’t my hair that makes me who I am. However it is a large part of my religion, as covering it is something I do every day, due to the fact that I believe that as a married woman I should cover my hair.

To be selfish or selfless? Help me out here….

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42 Comments

  1. Cam says:

    Why does it have to be all or nothing? Hair needs regular trimming to keep it healthy. You could get a light trim, get rid of the ragged/dead ends and even it up. Add some layers if you want to boost the wave a bit. That way, you won’t lose a lot of length. As for colour, just get a rinse. It’s not that expensive, you can do it yourself and it’ll give you a bit of a boost.

    • hadassahsabo says:

      coz i am an all or nothing personality….

      • ha! me too! a couple of months into covering all of my hair, i just shaved my head. my husband freaked. we’ve since settled on a length somewhere in-between what he likes and what i like.

    • Cam says:

      *sigh* I guess I’m one to talk….. I keep telling my hairdresser to cut it all off and he continues to ignore me whilst making me look marvelous.

      I love my hairdresser.

  2. KoD says:

    I say cut it ALL off. You do say that you have a nicely shaped head. :-)

  3. batya from NJ says:

    i love how supportive your KoD is to you-lol :)!
    hey, why don’t you either do what cam suggested or go for the look that you feel will make you feel best & worse comes to worse if the KoD really has a big problem with it, it will grow back with time-after all this is hair not a sheitel!!!
    hatzlacha with whatever decision you make but remember u should be happy with how you feel when u look in the mirror!

  4. I agree with Cam.

    Maintain your hair for its health and the same time your husband wont be offended.

    Its a win-win situation and easy to manage!

  5. hadassahsabo says:

    oh and to the person that just emailed to tell me that talking about my hair in public is not tznius – modest – and is disrespectful to my husband…..I feel sorry for you that this is the way you see things…..

  6. Lady Lock and Load says:

    I think you should keep it long but KoD should buy you gift certificates at a good salon to color and maintain it!

  7. Jonathan says:

    Uh-oh. Looks like the machmir patrol is out and about, trying their best to make themselves look like frumkeit’s version of the Saudi Mutaween…

  8. shorty says:

    i vote for pink hair.

  9. I go thru this regularly w/ my DH, although I don’t cover. He likes it nice and long, and while I like the idea of it long, it is just…blah. I usually keep it long for as long as I can stand it, and then I make the appointment, and tell my stylist to keep it a long-ish. He knows, he understands that I have to live with it, too.

    I’d say get the cut and let him see it that way. And then you can discuss it again next time (before you go and get it cut, lol).

  10. I would cut it to what you like, being careful that it’s long enough for whatever you do to keep it in you sheitel or tichel (pony tail, barrette, etc.). Having a hair cut that makes you feel good about yourself will show in your demeanor and general attitude, and your husband will notice that and find you more beautiful. Plus, once he gets over the change, it will just be you, with a look he didn’t realize he’d like but does.

  11. J says:

    Why don’t you have the front shorter and leave the back long?
    That way you will both be happy and your hair will be in better condition.

  12. Ariela says:

    cut of off – most women look better with short hair – especially if they have an attractive face.

  13. Z! says:

    Ah, the ongoing struggle. My hubby likes long hair. I like short- way short! Remember how short I used to wear it?! Well, I still keep it short! Really, he’ll survive and he just wants ME to be happy. When I’m happy- he’s happy.

  14. Mimi says:

    I hate covering my hair. My hair is way nicer than my sheitel. I hate the bumb I have in the back of my sheitel and I just feel awkward and hot all day. Sheitels are so unnecessary!!! Hats and tichels aer bareable but I miss those days when just months ago I could lounge around carefree before my wedding with my hair uncovered. Does Hashem really want me to be miserable? Because I am very miserable. This does not make me feel holy or happy. I do nto want to cut off my hair because its a part of who I am. I have long dark brown elbow length hair that dries stick straight. Perfect sheitel hair…
    Keeping the other laws of tznius make me feel like a better person but not kisui rosh.

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