How many did you date?

In recent conversations with a friend, who is in her twenties and married, she happened to mention that her husband had dated almost 50 girls before he met her, and she had dated almost 20 guys. I was kinda shocked. I mean, I dated too, but I didn’t count how many failures I had! It just seems like an awful lot, but apparently when you do shidduchim it’s common. Since that conversation I have been trying to work out how many guys I dated before each of my marriages. By dating I think I am supposed to count each first date. Not phone dates, or internet chats etc. Each person that I met in the flesh, as it were.  Just bear in mind I did NOT shidduch date either time.

So here are my numbers. First time around I was 20 when I got engaged. I had dated 7 boys including the one I married. Second time around I was significantly older and wiser and well entrenched in my 30s. I did a lot of internet dating as most of the eligible guys were in NY. But I actually went out with 7 and married lucky number 7. To me that’s a lot in 18 months of serious dating.

Do people keep some kind of a log? I am sitting here counting on my fingers, wondering if someone was so forgettable that I….forgot him.

So, care to share your numbers?

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  1. Wyman Brent says:

    All of my dates were very memorable…if I remember correctly. Darn alzheimer’s!

  2. Ulpanistit says:

    You’ve been blessed. I made a conscious decision to lose count after the first 15 or so… I feel like I’m somewhere around 25 /- at this point (after 2.5 yrs of serious dating) and yes, those are just the ones I actually met.. Of that number, at least 2/3 were ended mutually and/or by the guy, so it’s not just me being picky! I’d be very curious to hear numbers from other ppl.

  3. hmm well i went out with 3 guys before my ex fiance, then my ex fiance for 4 years, then was single for 3 years and went out on dates with maybe….18 more people before I met B? That’s how many I can remember off the top of my head, and I’m not counting some guys who I had flirtations with and hung out with in groups of people, but we never got to an official ‘date’. I guess that gives me a rate of about 1 first date every 2 months for those 3 years single.

    So that means B was guy #23

  4. Mark says:

    For a long time, I used to keep a list. Then I stopped updating it, and later I lost the old list. After a while, I even lost count. Probably 100 in total, maybe a bit more or less … and this was on a few continents :) Once, I even stopped over in London for a date while on the way to Israel!

    But first dates isn’t such a good measure alone. Let’s say I had 100 first dates, 40-50 second dates, 10 tenth dates, 5 twentieth dates, and 1 wife.

    And before anyone asks, because I know someone will, the answer is YES, at least once someone tried to set me up with a girl that I had previously dated and forgot about. She let me know.

  5. Kristie says:

    I didn’t date much, only maybe or 5 before my first husband, and I didn’t date any one before my current hubby. I really wasn’t looking to “date” as I had 2 kids I was raising pretty much on my own.

  6. Z! says:

    Sometimes it feels like WAY TOO MANY. Can ONE be counted for over 100?
    Seriously- there were approx. 6-7 ‘lucky’ guys who got my attention before I was able to give it all to my wonderful hubby. Having experienced those other relationships truly helps me to appreciate the marriage that I have now.

  7. KandaBer says:

    I married the second girl I dated (and the first was one and done).

    Before I started dating, I asked HaSh-m to “make it quick” (as a gutless coward, I did not want to face breaking up/being dumped). One tefilla which I have proof He answered, “Yes!”

  8. Marla says:

    I married the first guy I dated. I only wish the end results would have been happier. No regrets, since I am blessed with my beautiful children, but going forward I will be quite a bit more careful.

  9. sheldan says:

    I think that I would need to clarify what counts as a “date” according to this topic. I think that you are implying “serious” relationships. Otherwise especially those of us who did not use the shidduch system would have a different definition of date. Would it be merely someone you went out with, regardless of the number of times? If so, then the number would be very high, especially if you use the secular definition of dating (without an intermediary).

    I was in BBYO (B’nai B’rith Youth Organization) during my high school years, and we had dances, social events, and just plain old going out to a movie or something similar. It would not be surprising to forget the actual number of dates (but not necessarily the specific people :-) ) I went out with. Then there was college (not as many opportunities :-( ). And after that, relocations and having a social life. I think you can see that if we don’t settle on a working definition, there is the potential of a large number of dates but not necessarily the ones that are meaningful.

    So if you are going to have a number that means something, I am going to use the number of people I dated seriously. I dated someone my junior and senior years in college (and was very happy–but I went home after graduation). I became reacquainted with an old friend I knew in high school and dated in college (she was going through a divorce) and we were briefly engaged (religious differences pushed us apart). I met a New Jersey woman at a singles event (she had lived in Memphis as a child) and went out with her long-distance (she did not have the same feelings I was having :-( ). Another long-distance relationship with a woman I met at a Texas singles event (different ideas about what we were looking for). Another singles meeting, this time with a woman in St. Louis (I learned later that she had broken up with someone and was trying to meet someone else; we parted friends sometime later and she eventually married the boyfriend when he came back to her). And then Nancy (my wife :-) ).

    So therefore, in 34 years, I can identify six serious relationships. I could include those who I liked very much and dated in some cases, but never came to fruition. However, I would say that things worked out just fine for me (and at least some of the people who didn’t work out).
    :-) I think that “Man proposes but G-d disposes”; ultimately I ended up with the right one for me.

  10. Jess says:

    I choose to forget the men I’ve dated. My last relationship did not end well. I’ve gone on lots of dates, like set-ups and the sort, but I don’t keep track. The last guy I dated broke my heart. Let’s hope he’s the last one to do so, and the next first date I have (which happens to be on Monday night) turns out to be my last first date. Please God.

  11. Jewish Side says:

    I kept a log, I have a google document with the names and ages of the guys I went out with, and the places we went to, and the date of the date. They were all only first dates, till I met SN. SN was my number 6. And I have a list of all the dates I went on with SN, where we went. And I have a list of all the new foods I tried with him, almost 20. I have lots of lists, lol

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