Honesty about food costs

I shouldn’t be surprised by folk any more. Yet I am.

A friend of mine had updated her Facebook status yesterday about how gosh darned expensive kosher for Passover food is. A friend of hers responded with a question – whether she would share that information with her husband, or keep the amount spent to herself.

Why on earth would anyone keep secret the amount of money spent on food? It’s not like she went out and bought 17 pairs of shoes. That might be something that she would need to hide (although hiding any info from a spouse is big no-no in my book).

This is food for Passover and her husband, any Jewish husband, knows that it costs an arm and a leg, and maybe another arm besides. IMHO anyone that believes they need to hide this cost from their spouse needs to seriously take a look at the honesty in their marriage.

Do you keep ANY secrets from your spouse?

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  1. batya from NJ says:

    hmmm, i wonder which friend that was? ;)! but, to answer your question, no i am very open with my husband (as i want him to be with me too) & i don’t keep secrets from him-i’d have too much of a guilty conscience if i did :)!!

    • batya from NJ says:

      it’s ironic that i just finished talking about how i am so open with my husband & don’t keep secrets from him b/c while talking to my daughter 2 minutes ago i was sworn to secrecy about something & she begged me NOT to tell anyone about it, especially not my husband. how ironic is that?!!!! oh well, at least it’s for a good cause (a surprise) so i guess it’s ok!

  2. Lady Lock and Load says:

    Our shmurah hand matzah is going to cost us $21.50 this year….why do we call it poor man’s bread?

    • batya from NJ says:

      LLL, that’s very simple & it’s b/c you become a poor man after you buy the poor man’s bread-LOL!

    • Mike S says:

      Not only is machine shmurah cheaper, but it is made under more tightly controlled conditions, so it ios far less likely to be chametz than the hand matzah.

  3. Vicki says:

    Yikes. I didn’t realize kforp food was so expensive. But to answer your question, no, we don’t keep any secrets, especially financial from each other, other than small purchases that are less than $100. Although I do know a couple who have been dating for almost 4 years and are pretty serious and each don’t know how much money the other makes. I couldn’t believe this, but maybe there are boundaries for gf/bf situations, even if they are really serious.

    • HSaboMilner says:

      how did you arrive at the $100 figure?

      • Mark says:

        There is a marketing term for this figure (i.e. the amount under which a purchase doesn’t require discussion with ones spouse and their consent). I forget the exact term, and I just did a few searches to no avail, but as I recall the number for “typical” Americans is just under $100.

        If anyone knows this marketing term, PLEASE post it here so I can refresh my memory! Thanks in advance.

  4. He shops with me so he knows what we spend although I don’t tell him every penny I spend. I have been forbidden to bring home any more shoes or yarn but books are still okay :)

    • Rainy says:

      *giggles* there IS a point where restraint in yarn purchases becomes a necessity. Like, the point at which you’re decorating with it because your closet is full of it, plus the under bed storage, plus two wicker laundry bins….

  5. Rainy says:

    I used to not tell the ex Mr. Honey and Ollie about how much money I spent on yarn. This was totally indicative of other issues in our marriage that we both contributed to. Of course, now, in retrospect, I regret it.

    If I ever get married again, financial transparency is up there at the top of my list of big important things to keep track of.

    • HSaboMilner says:

      I was the same in my first marriage – i never disclosed how much I spent on stuff – and am totally not in my second.

  6. Chanief says:

    I have never hidden what I spend from my husband, and he doesn’t hide from me. We have an agreement that we discuss purchases worth more than a certain amount of money, but we trust each other to be fiscally responsible and it’s never been an issue. I do, however, know many women who hide what they spend on clothing, accessories, makeup etc. from their spouses, and I understand why even if that would never work for me. But hiding what you’ve spent on groceries? That I do not understand and I agree that it points to some deeper issues within the marriage that are worth examining.

  7. chana says:

    i entirely believe in full disclosure for a healthy marriage and do so in my own, but i do understand why some wouldn’t tell their husbands some prices. i know some couples who keep things from their spouse to avoid a temper clash. she may not say how much she had to spend b/c he may very likely say, “well, don’t buy so much, we don’t need the extra side dish, we’ll have leftovers from that meal and why do you need dessert or cake……” while of course on pesach itself he’s “starving” and why is there no food. if a wife wants to avoid a blow out where her husband really has no clue what he’s suggesting, i understand.

  8. Mark says:

    In our family, there is no way to “hide” purchases of any significant amount because all our purchases are done with credit cards. I also check the credit card purchases online every week or so, and certainly never less than once a month when I pay the bill.

    • batya from NJ says:

      in my house, i am in charge of all the shopping as well as all of the bill paying & balancing of the checkbooks, reconciling the credit card bills on quicken etc so if i really wanted to i could certainly hide any purchases that i had made from my husband but TG i honestly don’t feel the need!

  9. Z! says:

    We don’t keep these things from each other. We are both perfectly aware of how much things cost and if either of us is uncomfortable with a purchase, we discuss it before it is made.

  10. sheldan says:

    Re: food costs for Pesach, I remember when I was on CompuServe and someone titled a post “Why is Passover food so $$?” I responded:

    “What is this, the Fifth Question?” :-)

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