Golden Oldies

(or alternatively, In Praise of Older Men)

I used to be one of those judgmental women, who would see a pretty young thing married to an older guy, and be sure she had married him for his money. I am here to apologize to all those pretty young things out there. I am so sorry I jumped to conclusions. Seriously. I know that there are gold diggers out there who are looking for older husbands who have money. I am sure there are younger men out there who marry older women for money too. However, I am sure many marry for love too.  People get married for a variety of reasons. It isn’t for us to judge although with a May to December relationship many people do.

When the KoD first wrote to me after seeing my profile on the dating website, he immediately mentioned his age as being a factor in me probably not wanting to communicate further with him. Truthfully he did not fall into the age range of guys I would date. There was something about him, however, that kept me interested, despite his age. The more we got to know each other the more we realized how well matched we were. Once we met, that was it. I knew he was my beshert.

I am not a gold digger. I did not marry the KoD so he could keep me in the style to which I could become accustomed. He is the man that I love so deeply, who completes me in ways I never could have imagined. Simply – he is my soul mate. Yes, ok, he also happens to be seventeen years older than me. But it works. It really works.

Older men have seen a lot of the world. They have lived and experienced and learnt many of life’s lessons. What might be important to a younger man to make a big deal of, older men know the fight isn’t worth it. They have their priorities well and truly in order. I am not saying that some men my own age do not have the same kind of attitudes. I am sure there are some that do. I just never came across them in my dating life post-divorce. I found most of the men my age (mid thirties) that I dated were immature, and hoping to snag a twenty-five year old hottie. They only dated me to fill time till she showed up. Sadly most are still waiting.

Truth be told, I do not notice the age difference between us. Yes, there is the occasional frame of reference we won’t pick up on, but we are so on the same wavelength about most things. We have had to put up with a lot of comments, about how he’ll never be able to keep up with me or the kids but he is way more active than I am – once we move down to NY I am going to get myself to his gym and see if I can work up to bench pressing more than he can. (What is it now, KoD? 230 lbs?) We have a totally different taste in music – but that is no way an age thing. I think you will find many men are just not into 80s music. He’s very well versed in politics – initially I thought that was an age thing. Then I spent more time with more Americans, and realized it’s more of a cultural thing.

I am quite open about the fact that I always was drawn to older men. There is something that is alluring to me, maybe it’s a sense of protection and security that I didn’t have growing up? My own father left when I was little, so I am sure that plays into it too. But why psychoanalyze so much? If it works, it works. Thank God this marriage that we have, a year old today, is more than I ever could dream of it being. I have never been so cherished and so loved and so respected as I am by the KoD. I have never felt this secure in any relationship in my entire life.

So again, I apologize for jumping to conclusions when previously looking at couples comprised of older men and younger women. I won’t ever make that mistake again.

Older Men Rock! Love you, my KoD.

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  1. WOW! I think you may be the poster couple for how true love and connection knows no bounds- surmounts age and well taste in music. As a girl who has admittedly married a man 15 years older than m0- who I affectionately term my sugar daddy- this post validates every aspect of my relationship! You are SUCH a good writer!! Thinking we need to write a book about why marrying an older man is NOT such a bad thing;) LOVE YOU! xo

  2. Susan says:

    Happy Anniversary! Long may you two reign :)

  3. sagehope says:

    Hi, I found you by the tag “LOVE” I am connecting with people who are on some level like minded. So, Hi, and hope to speak to you in the near future.

  4. Duvii says:

    Us cradle robbers are sincerely grateful to you young whippersnappers who keep us on our toes.

    And BTW, the 80′s were the worst years for music EVER.

    • HSaboMilner says:

      you are entitled to your opinion, you old coot! ;)

      just kidding, you are a young coot! snicker

    • sheldan says:

      Duvii, ’70′s music (except disco ;-) ROCKS!

      (In defense of Hadassah: I suppose the music of your teens is what you gravitate to. If she loves ’80′s rock (poor thing ;-) ) we just have to indulge her)

    • sheldan says:

      Duvii,

      Let’s be careful on our criticism of someone else’s music. Doesn’t everyone’s musical tastes grate on one’s “elders”? (We don’t want to be thought of as elders yet, do we?)

      • Duvii says:

        Sheldan, I am perfectly comfortable in my bald and graying state.

        I would never criticize anyone’s musical tastes. As an American I support everyone’s right to their own taste………regardless of how bad it is :-).

        @HSM, will try and dig out my BGs and Diana Ross albums for you.

        KoD, call me fast. We need to run an intervention…..

  5. KoD says:

    Duvii,
    I wholeheartedly agree with you on BOTH points.

  6. Lady Lock and Load says:

    “Young whippersnappers who keep us on our toes!” Poor KoD yawning and sleeping the whole seudah, I must tell hadassah to have some rachmanut and slow down!

  7. Raizy says:

    I try not to judge other people’s marriages. Sometimes the most unlikely couples are the most content. As my friend’s mother used to say, “How do you know what’s going on in their marriage? Were you hiding under the bed?”

  8. Z! says:

    Mazel Tov on your 1st anniversary! I cannot believe a whole year has flown by so quickly- or in your case- driven by.
    May this next year see you both become geographically closer.

  9. Chanief says:

    Congratulations and Happy Anniversary! You’re so right bout the age difference, what matters is that you make each other happy.

  10. Marla says:

    I think maturity is pretty subjective. I am sure there are ‘older’ men out there that never grew up and are still stuck and immature in some areas, and I am sure there are younger men that are wise and mature beyond their years.

    I say, whatever works for you it best for you.

    Interesting to think that when we meet our soul mates the SECOND time around, it’s ok to have the big age gap, but if a 19 year old were dating someone that much older it would be a huge scandal. I guess timing is everything….

    I am just glad you are happy and found your true bashert.

    • HSaboMilner says:

      Timing IS everything. We do joke about how he should have found me way earlier. Like when he was first dating way back when in the mists of time. I was just out of diapers….. ;)

  11. Z! says:

    R and I try not to dwell on the 8 year age gap.

  12. batya from NJ says:

    age is just a number. as long as it works, that is what really matters!

  13. batya from NJ says:

    that said, i should add that if my nearly 19 yr old daughter were to come to me wanting to marry a 36 year old man, i would most definitely FREAK out in all honesty :)!

  14. Chanief says:

    Weird, I commented on something here and it didn’t show… I hope I didn’t put it under some other post though it wouldn’t surprise me if I did. This was the basic idea of the comment:

    Along this vein, I do find it interesting that a woman marrying a significantly older man if regarded as far more normal and acceptable than a woman marrying a man significantly younger. Imagine if you were the man and KoD the woman. The reactions of most people would be completely different. I mean if I were to choose someone seventeen years younger than myself he’d be… well, he wouldn’t be legal so it’d be a scandal of a whole different type… never mind ;)

    • HSaboMilner says:

      for some reason it went to Spam…weird indeed….

      A woman marrying a much younger man is indeed regarded in a different light. Double standard.

  15. yuyu says:

    Considering that his children are slightlyl younger than yours, you have about the same “parenting age”

  16. sheldan says:

    Hadassah, happy anniversary to you and the KoD from someone who appreciates your love story (since it’s so familiar :-) ).

    I think that closeness in age does matter when you first start dating. I doubt that there would be many parents who would approve of a 21-year-old dating their 15-year-old daughter. On the other hand, six years later, the age difference(27 and 21) may not be as much of a problem. Or sixteen years later (37 and 31).

    In fact, there is nothing wrong with an older woman (say the same 37-year-old) dating the 31-year-old man. I suppose, however, that beyond a certain difference people will start to ask what the younger one sees in the older one. Of course, that is the business of the couple, and obviously it works for them.

    Ultimately, the ages are just numbers. I ended up marrying someone two years younger than I (however, I wouldn’t have predicted that it would happen 15 years later than I might have wished), and that suits me just fine.

  17. Frayda says:

    Mazal tov on your anniversary! Age aint nothin but a number. It shouldn’t define a person or a relationship.

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