Double Trouble

When I was expecting my kids I was always nervous that I would have twins. I am a twin myself, and I know what a handful we were to raise. I have to say  though, that I have the most awesome bond with my twin brother that transcends everything, so Mum – all the double-crying and the double-bottles and the double-nappies were all worth it.

We spent some time this weekend with friends of ours who have the most adorable twins. I love babies – and they have two delicious ones! I totally played the Auntie card to the full. There is nothing like holding a quiet contented baby who looks up at you and smiles. I wanted to take them home but had to leave them with their parents. Sigh.

It left me thinking. When I was 21 and pregnant for the first time, just having one baby scared the living daylights out of me. If I would have had twins, I would probably still be in shock. Now, at my advanced age, the idea of twins isn’t scary at all. 16 years of motherhood has perhaps taught me what to panic over and what to take in my stride. I could totally deal with twins, no sweat!  Of course, at this point in my life this particular life lesson is useless – but it really made me think that perhaps more mature mothers have learned so much more about life, and maybe are not so stressed about motherhood as their barely out of their teens counterparts.

What do you think? Do you think maternal age has anything to do with maturity or ability to cope?

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  1. Is it terrible if my biggest fear with twins would be how the pregnancy destroyed my body? I’m already lumpy…!

  2. T says:

    what do I think? I think you should get your butt over here to Montreal and play your Auntie card in full. Here, in Mtl for a long weekend, ok!!!!
    THAT”s what I think!
    love you guys.

  3. Batya says:

    Hadassa, there are no rules. Sometimes “young and dumb” make for such relaxed parenting, while being older and seeing tragedies make it all worse. Of course if you’re an older parent and have kids to help, that’s even better!

  4. rachelli says:

    the thought of having twins at any age can scare the mom and dad in the begining. we have a natural tendency to worry, how will we manage. people learn to cope and manage. yes, there are sleepless, days and nights, but we work with it. If the couple has a good bond together, they will work together and help out whenever they have to.

  5. Carol says:

    I had my first son after 8 years of trying and lotsa lotsa help from Above and Drs. Drs. Drs. The TWINS came naturally(!!!) two years later. I was already in my early 30′s.
    I think that how you raise kids, no matter how many come at a time, has many more factors involved than what age you are when they come. There are other factors like what type of parents YOUR parents were and where you were in the kid line-up and if there were any kids with disabilities, etc…
    I was the youngest of two children and I find almost everything about parenthood challenging.
    And about the nursing/bottles, naps, diapers, sleeplessness with newborns? Yes, it was challenging. The twins are 6.5 now. Two more children have arrived since the twins – so that is 5 altogether. I get to sleep through the night now, on most nights.
    I’m not really sure if I care that they know how much love and time we put into them. When they are parents, they MIGHT understand. I just want them to be good people, shomrei mitzvot, etc…

  6. batya from NJ says:

    Each time I became pregnant, my biggest fear was that I would have triplets b/c they ran in my family. Thankfully, I only gave birth to one child at a time & that was perfect for me & I don’t have any desire to have babies (singletons or multiples) at this stage in my life. I do have a friend who had twins (#s 4&5) at age 50 & I say kol hakavod/all the power to her but I don’t know HOW she does it & it DEF is NOT easy at all for her as a busy working mom & as the mother of an older child with autism as well.

  7. rebeccad says:

    Yes definitely! When I was pregnant with my first I was flipping becaue
    it might be twins. With my last and they thought it was twins and she wasn’t I was actually disappointed! It was strange the transition that I made and i definitely feel it had to do with maturity. As we get older and more experienced we can handle more at once.

  8. Yes, I think maternal age definitely has a lot to do with it. But I think also support does, too. I feel like if you have family that you are close to or friends that you can talk to then you might go into it more maturely. Some of my friends started having kids at 18, even younger than you. I can’t help feel like they’re babies having babies but my mother also had me at 21 and had no idea what to do with me.

    Advanced age? Who are you kidding?!

    Anyway, I’m the eldest of four sisters. My sisters are much younger than me so I was like a parent to all of them. Definitely, it was easier at 16 and 17 to stay up with kids. But I’d love to have twins. Really, really. I’ll be much older than most everyone I know when and if I can have kids. I always dreamed of having 4 kids because that’s what I grew up with so I’d take two sets of twins any day.

    I know so many Jewish women who are in their early 20s and early 30s who are struggling with infertility. I think if they found out they had twins (and one was so blessed after many trials and tears), they’d feel doubly blessed. I know that’s how those of us who knew about their previous miscarriages felt hearing their good news.

    I think experience with babies is key. If you were the oldest and had to help out a lot. If you were a babysitter to small children. But also, if you have someone “normal” (because people will give all kinds of advice to new moms along with tons of pressure to choose this way or that way to parent) to talk to about it, then age is just a number.

    Well, it’s not just a number since the clock is ticking but I know so many women who have been blessed with children in their 40s and others that are much younger who have yet to receive such blessings at all. So, in the spirit of this blog, I hope we can pray for all the families who are trying really hard to have babies…just one baby…right now and are having trouble.

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