Dating WWYD

You met online. You have been speaking to each other on the phone for a week. Every night. Hours on end. He tells you without meeting you that he loves you. Is he full of it or do you think his declaration has merit? Do you tell him to get lost or does this comment pull you in deeper? Do you think a person can fall in love without actually meeting the object of his / her affections?


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19 Comments

  1. Do you think a person can fall in love without actually meeting the object if his / her affections?

    NO.

  2. no way. he is trying to pull her in deeper.

  3. David says:

    I dissent.

    A person’s life and their neshama can be discerned from afar. Physical proximity makes it harder to obscure those things, but hardly impossible. The upshot is that one needs to be more prudent about becoming emotionally intertwined with someone from afar, but to suggest one can’t or one shouldn’t seems extreme.

  4. batya from NJ says:

    i don’t think you can “fall in love” on the phone/internet. i think cyberspace may feel very romantic but i don’t think these feelings should be declared & can be truly declared without knowing each other in person…just my 2 cents!

  5. Jonathan says:

    The bigger question might be “what is love” ? Is it loving somebody, or being *in love* with somebody?

    How you might discern the difference between the two is a whole other question…

    Just discovered your blog btw – it’s wonderful :)

  6. Jewish Side says:

    This is a very interesting question. Because 3 years ago I “met” a guy online, it was the first time I ever “met a guy”, and we chatted and e-mailed each other. I asked him every question I can think of, of what people ask each other on dates. I was really happy about him, and I believed he was the right one for me. He had been in my twin brothers class in elementry school, so it wasn’t a complete stranger. I had told my parents about him, my father wasn’t too happy because of 3 things about the guy, and he said there were better people out there for me. I had asked the guy if he would go out with me, and he said yes. The thing was, we had just graduated HS, so he was going to learn in Yeshiva in Israel, so the first year while he was there we e-mailed often since he had a school e-mail address, and I still felt connected to him. I totally felt as though I was in love, I believed he would make a great husband and father and everything. Actually before he left to Yeshiva, he came to my house and I left him a plane letter with “safe trip money”, imbetween the doors for him to take with him. I was very frum and naaive back then, and I didn’t think I was allowed to talk to guys or see them, so I hadn’t spoken on the phone with him, only one time, and when he came to my house, I didn’t see him. Anyways, so he’s been in Yeshiva for 3 years now, and he had switched to a Yeshiva without internet, so we lost contact for the most part, he would e-mail me once a while when he was able to go to a internet cafe or someones house. My life moved on, and I still feel as though he would be my first choice. But he plans to live in Israel, so now that’s out the drain, so I have to find someone else, but I don’t regret all the memories from the time I knew him.

  7. frumgoth says:

    I think cyber-relationships on the internet (& the resulting phone calls) can foster a strange sense of intimacy. It’s easy to relate to someone in these situations and it may seem like a strong connection and even love. It’s a false intimacy though, b/c love and relationships are so much more complicated in real life.

  8. Devorah says:

    I have friends who met online, (they’re not Jewish, but the idea’s the same). They had not yet met when he decided he was in love with her. He wouldn’t even let her send a picture, because he didn’t want his feelings for her to be influenced by her looks. When they did meet, it only confirmed their love. They have now been happily married for a couple of years. Sometimes the dynamic for a couple may differ when communicating via different media, but it can happen and be very real.

  9. i think people can think they are in love with someone, but until they meet in real person and get to know each other in real life, it’s not really love, it’s infatuation.

  10. Chanief says:

    Both my brother and sil claim they fell in love with each other during their first phone conversation. (Pre-internet days, they lived in different countries so they communicated by phone before meeting.) They’ve been happily married with a few children for many years now, so who knows?

  11. lomo says:

    I agree that there’s a big potential for like personalities to meet, but I also agree that you have to remember that it shouldn’t be a “pay no attention to that man” (Wizard of Oz) type of phenomenon..

  12. Lisa B says:

    I believe because it’s the “internet” we can relay feelings that possibly are not meant to be passed to each other through these means, seems “feelings” stir more or faster because people can be a bit who they are not, say things they may not normally say and be someone they may not be. As such, fantasy, and it’s so easy to get caught up in it. So easy to get lost in it and feel you’ve found your “romeo”

    I vote no! I think it’s okay to “meet” on the internet but, before it goes too far with emotions and words and feelings. People should meet and see each other and look into each others eyes and know who they are really talking to.

    My point of view!

  13. Mark says:

    MII – NO.

    How do you define meet? Do they have to see each other? Why not define it as speak to each other at length?

    And if so, do you believe that a blind person can never fall in love?

  14. z! says:

    I find that so much of internet dating is falling in love with a ‘persona’, not a person. You need to actually spend time with someone to know them. You might “love” what they tell you but what they tell you might not be how things play out in real life.
    Also, chemistry is a very funny and real thing.

  15. le7 says:

    Hmmm tough question. I talked to my chosson online and on the phone for three months before we met…

  16. Caroline says:

    I know I did. We “met” online and talked online and on the phone for 9 months before we met in person. Meeting only confirmed how much we cared for eachother. Living together now (Baruch Hashem. it feels like such a miracle to finally be together instead of thousands of miles apart), leaves absolutely no doubt. Sure, its not easy 100% of the time, but no relationship romantic or otherwise is. Its good and happy much of the time, and we’re even more in love than when we met.

    However, I would also say that there is a GREAT deal of room for falling for a persona (in a potential mate or friend), and lack of authenticity, as well as increased authenticity, due to the fact that for some reason being vulnerable online is less terrifying for many.

  17. Shlomo says:

    Holiday on internet dating:

  18. Shlomo says:

    Thanks.

    ..it’s obviously from the 1960 classic “Bells Are Ringing”, by the way..

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