A throwaway remark

Sometimes it’s the comments that aren’t premeditated that hurt the most. Recently, being the only slim person at a table with some people of larger size, I felt very insulted. I was offered dessert after eating a full meal, and I politely declined. So this guy who I hardly knew says “what are you? Anorexic or something?” and carried on with his life commentary (totally inappropriate table talk, but that was who he was). It wasn’t even his house or his table.

 

What if his assessment had been true? Wouldn’t that have hurt even more? Part of me wanted to say to him, why yes, I am anorexic – something a pig like you can’t ever understand because you have never met a food you don’t like, never said no to the fifth dessert.

 

No one, and again I am making this point, would dare to say “oh you’re having another piece of cake? Aren’t you already morbidly obese? Don’t you think you should stop?” But because thin is in people think they can joke about anorexia and get away with it. Obesity and Anorexia are both illnesses that can prove fatal, and neither should be joked about. If I decline dessert it’s because I am full. Not because I am obsessing about the number I will next see on the scale. I am slim, yes, and I guess that makes some people jealous, but do not mock my size, for I am starting to get sick of it.

 

When I was heavier, and I was for a while, there were barely any size comments – I remember one lady commenting, tho, on how she thought I had had a boob job. Gaining 40+ pounds in 2 months will add dimensions in places there were none before. But no one dared mention weight in my presence. They knew that a formerly skinny person who had been slim all her life and now was seven sizes bigger than her original self would have been upset to hear that. I dropped the 40+ (and a little more) and now I am fair game?

 

People, do not comment on size. It can be so hurtful. The only time its acceptable is if you are truly worried about a friend’s health – whether they be too large or too small, and then, please, choose your words appropriately. People of all shapes and sizes are vulnerable to size-ist remarks. Don’t say anything to anyone you wouldn’t want to hear said to you.

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7 Comments

  1. Ari says:

    Most men are clueless when it comes to matters of the mind, body and heart. Generally speaking, they are rhetorically clumsy as well. This man may have even believed that he was giving you a compliment. Don’t take it too personally.

  2. So how did you drop those 40 pounds? (not ina n insulting way, just trying to lose some weight myself….)

  3. I think he meant it in a good way, as a compliment. I guess it depends on how well you know the person, for them to be able to say such a comment and get away with it.
    But I agree, people shouldn’t comment on people’s sizes.

  4. Leora says:

    My guess is it was more about his own feelings about his size rather than about you. Some people unfortunately cause pain instead of confronting their own difficult feelings.

  5. hadassahsabo says:

    thanks for all the comments – i guess i am a little hypersensitive….but at least i didnt bite the guys head off.

    Eden – email me, and i will let you know what worked for me. i dont want to discuss it in a public forum…. hadassahsabo@hotmail.com

  6. Jacob da Jew says:

    Thanks for visiting my blog the other day.

    My dear Uncle Alex taught me that there are 2 questions that one must never ask or mention to a woman: Age and Weight.

    And he is so the gentleman.

  7. sandrar says:

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.

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